TO my chagrin nobody appears to give a whit whether I go topless. I dare say the same is true of other male contributors to this soaraway organ. Take Mr Tom Shields, for instance, who has spent decades selflessly visiting licensed premises in order to achieve the body that he has today. I hope I will not be misinterpreted when I say that he is as fine a specimen of the post-war Glaswegian male as one could hope to find. But is anyone beating a path to the Buffer’s hacienda waving fat cheques in the hope of persuading to him to whip off his shirt? Would office workers be sacked for downloading pictures of him if he did? I think not. Yet Manchester City Council has sacked two of its workers and suspended many others for e-mailing a topless picture of Charlotte Church, a singer, which one of the miscreants described as “harmless”. On behalf of myself and Mr Shields and other hard done by males I feel an angry letter to the Equal Opportunities Commission coming on.
Housemate heading for the bottle bank
BE that as it may, for connoisseurs of toplessness this has been a spiffing week.
I refer, of course, to Big Brother, a telly programme for oiks, which I doubt George Orwell would want to see his name associated with. The current series, which has been going since 1066, reached a new nadir last Tuesday when one of the participants, Kinga Karolczak, 20, bared her chest, “performed” a sex act with a bottle and attempted to kiss two housemates, both innocent men.
In normal times, Ms Kinga, an erstwhile barmaid and market researcher, would be banished to the wilderness, pilloried as an ass and reinvented as a nun.
Instead, she was rewarded with an article in The Guardian, to whom I am eternally grateful for the above information. According to its breathless reporter, Sophie Kirkham, Ms Kinga apologised for her behaviour, saying: “I did something awful yesterday, absolutely terrible with a bottle of wine.” Tell me about it dear! On her release from the Big Brother household Ms Kinga will not, alas, be taken into police custody but can expect to be richly rewarded for her lewd conduct.
Sir Maxwell Clueless, the PR “expert”, says that if she “slimmed down a bit and someone taught her how to work the media, then she could have a year where she could make almost £1 million”. And who, one wonders, could that “someone” possibly be?
sundayherald
