icsouthlondon
Sep 2 2005
WHEN each of this year's Big Brother camp was evicted, many faced a chorus of booing from the charged-up Channel 4 crowd outside.
But when Battersea speech-writer Derek exited, it was noticeable how unusually kind the fans were.
While some housemates might be remembered for playing hide the wine bottle, phantom pregnancies, washing mincemeat or psychic witchery, Derek escaped the scrutinised dwelling relatively untainted. That is apart from a well-documented spat with Science and his apparent two-faced scheming which he claims was his normal self. Channel 4 bosses say he was this year's most popular contestant and received many more letters and emails than anyone else.
In the flesh, 41-year-old Derek is small, steely-eyed, impossibly posh and someone not to be crossed. He also comes armed with a schoolboy giggle which makes him sound like a melodramatic baddie.
I met him at tennis courts in Battersea Park. "It's fantastic to be out of the house but I'm very disappointed by the British summer," he said. "I don't play tennis often enough, just a couple of times a week."
Derek claims he hasn't watched any footage from the house, because he has many more important things to do.
And he added: "I don't believe in self-vanity, I've got lots of other things to do. I have hardly had time to read my post."
As well as his favourite racket game, Derek said he's now enjoying good food and the company of friends. "In the house all I ate was high carbohydrates. Basically they made pasta and mince," he said. "The most striking thing about my fellow housemates was that they were terribly young and largely unworldly.
"They have travelled very little distance. They have seen very little of Europe, never mind the rest of the world."
Derek famously claimed he'd never watched Big Brother before entering the house and had no idea what to expect.
His only experience of the programme was when he saw Sylvester Stallone's mum Jackie and her wacky appearance in last year's celebrity version of the show.
He admitted: "Before I went on I expected to have my own bedroom. I almost put my shoes outside the bedroom on the first night hoping they would be polished."
Since he's left, Derek has kept in touch with Craig, Lesley, Roberto, Mary, Eugene, Kinga and, most shockingly of all, Science. "I recently gave Science a book," he revealed. "I'm so glad that those seven people want to stay in touch." And what about winner Anthony? "He won by default - that happens in elections of all kinds. We forgot he was even around. He was the least offensive of the housemates."
On the day we met, Derek said the previous day he'd stayed up watching recordings of this year's Wimbledon tournament until 6am. Someone recorded the whole thing for him.
He said: "Tennis is more than an obsession, it's a passion."
Another of Derek's passions is politics. He stood for the Conservatives at Wandsworth council elections in 1986, winning 937 votes. He was also due to stand for parliament in north London in 1997, but withdrew, citing "business reasons".
According to Derek, the Conservative Party lost its way under John Major, who was an "ineffective leader of men". He thinks Tony Blair has succeeded because he's borrowed policies from left and right. He said: "The most important lesson for the last 10 years is that those most successful in politics have been cross-dressers.
"If more Tories wore women's clothes and carried handbags they might have more vision and more conviction."
But he is adamant he is not the man to play a major role in any Tory rebirth. Instead he's concentrating on television appearances, his hobbies and writing children's stories.
He's finished four tales which he said fit the national curriculum for eight- and nine-year-olds. Another story based on his Big Brother experiences, also for children, is planned.
The man who has written speeches for Margaret Thatcher, Michael Heseltine and Alan Clark, among others, also plans to front a TV show about the power of public speaking. "People have told me I'm a good communicator, but I can't see it. In the Big Brother house success had to be about honesty, because there was nowhere to hide.
"I was the only one in there who wasn't afraid of anyone."
Thousands of emails, cards and letters have been sent to Derek after his Big Brother performance and his popularity doesn't appear to be on the wane.
He said: "I don't think it would be a bad idea if more politicians went on reality TV. It would help them connect with voters."
"Dark Destroyer" Derek will surely grace our screens again. And when he does, don't be surprised if he's still cutting, bitchy and entertaining.
