BB FANS

TRUISMS

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't
even get into my own pants.

Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with
a relative.

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on
it. So I said Implants?" She hit me.

I don't do drugs. I get the same effect just standing
up fast.

I live in my own little world. But it's OK. They know
me here.

I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a
screamer or a moaner.

I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many
of them get elected.

Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's
wise words: Don't pick that up, you don't know where
it's been!"

A good friend will come and bail you out of
jail...but, a true friend will be sitting next to you
saying, "Damn...that was fun!"

I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear
loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting
clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first
place!

When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping,"
now I just "chunky dunk."

Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be
able to tell the difference.

Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all
fall off.

Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in
school, but they can in prison? (good point)

If raising children was going to be easy, it never
would have started with something called LABOR!
(true!)

Wouldn't you know it...Brain cells come and brain
cells go, but FAT cells live forever.

especially at "chunky dunk"!