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Scottish Women....
Three English men were sitting together bragging about how they had given
their new wives duties.
1. The first man had married a woman from Australia, and bragged that he
had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning
that needed done at their house. He said that it took a couple of days but
on the third day he came home to a see a clean house and the dishes all
washed and put away.
2. The second man had married a woman from Sweden. He bragged that he had
given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the
cooking. He told them that the first day he didn't see any results, but
the next day it was better. By the third day, he saw that his house was
clean, the dishes were done, and he had a magnificent dinner on the table.
3. The third man had married a Scottish girl. He boasted that he told her
that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed,
laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the
first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything,
but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a
little out of his left eye.
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Dave walks into the bar and sees his mate Jeff huddled on the bar,
depressed. Dave walks over and asks Jeff what's wrong.
"Well," replies Jeff, "You know that beautiful girl at work
that I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw
her?"
"Yes," replies Dave with a smile.
"Well," says Jeff, straightening up, "I finally plucked up
the courage to ask her out, and she agreed."
"That's great!" says Dave, "when are you going out?"
"I went to meet her this evening," continues Jeff, "but I
was worried I'd get an erection again. So I got some
sellotape and taped my todger to my leg, so if I did, it wouldn't
show."
"Sensible." says Dave.
"So I get to her door," says Jeff, "and I rang her doorbell.
And she answered it in the sheerest, tiniest dress you ever saw."
"And what happened then?"
Jeff huddles over the bar again. "I kicked her in the face."
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A young boy went up to his father and asked, "what is the difference
between potentially and realistically?" The father pondered for a while,
then answered, "Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert
Redford for a million pounds. Also, ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad
Pitt for a million pounds. Come back and tell me what you have learned."
So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with Robert
Redford for a million pounds?" The mother replied "Of course I would. I
wouldn't pass up an opportunity like that." The boy then went to his
sister and said. "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million pounds?"
The girl replied. "Oh gosh!! I would just love to do that! I would be
nuts to pass up that opportunity!!".
The boy then thought about it for two or three days and went back to his
dad. His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between
potential and realistic?" The boy replied, "Yes, potentially we're sitting
on two million pounds, but realistically we're living with two slappers."
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