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EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DAILY DIARY:
7:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
12:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 pm - OH BOY! TUMMY RUB! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 pm - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
7:00 pm - OH BOY! PLAYING BALL! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 pm - OH BOY! SLEEPING ON MASTER'S BED! MY FAVORITE!
EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DAILY DIARY:
DAY 183 OF MY CAPTIVITY:
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal.
Idiots.
The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild
satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of
furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another house plant.
DAY 184 OF MY CAPTIVITY:
Today my attempt to kill my captors, by weaving around their feet
while they were walking, almost succeeded; must try this at the top of the
stairs next time.
In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile buggers, I again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair.
Note-to-self: I think I'll try crapping under their bed, too. Wonder how long it'll take them to find it?
DAY 185 OF MY CAPTIVITY:
Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, to make them
aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their
hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I
was. Damn! Not working according to plan.
There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and
smell the food. More importantly I overheard that my confinement
was due to MY power of "ellergeez." Must learn what the Hell this is and how to use it to my advantage.
DAY 186 OF MY CAPTIVITY:
I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The
dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He must
obviously be a bloody half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, appears to
have become an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain
he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal
room, his safety is preserved. But I can wait; it's only a matter of
time... the sonofabitch.
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