BB FANS

(v similar to an Eddie Izzard routine but amusing anyway)

A Dog's Diary

7am - Oh Boy! Breakfast! My favorite!
9am - Oh Boy! A car ride! My favorite!
10am - Oh Boy! A walk! My favorite!
11am - Oh Boy! A car ride! My favorite!
Noon - Oh Boy! A nap! My favorite!
1pm - Oh Boy! The yard! My favorite!
3pm - Oh Boy! Animal Planet! My favorite!
4pm - Oh Boy! Dinner! My favorite!
5pm - Oh Boy! Grandma! My favorite!
7pm - Oh Boy! Playing with my "baby"! My favorite!
9pm - Oh Boy! Sleeping in Daddys Bed! My favorite!

A Cat's Diary
Day 683 of my captivity....

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal.

The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild
satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture.

Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant. Today my attempt to kill my
captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded;must try this at the top of the stairs.

In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once
again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair; must try this on their
bed.

Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in an attempt
to make them aware of what I am capable of and to try to strike fear into
their hearts. They only cooed and commented about what a good little kitty I was.

Hmmm, not working according to plan.

There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in
solitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could hear the
noise and smell the food. More importantly I overheard that my confinement was because of my power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is
obviously an idiot. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured.

But I can wait; it is only a matter of time.....

So true! Do you read animal's minds? I've heard people do.

Excellent! Trolley is a cat whisperer!

You missed out my favourite bit tho TD! about the 'piece of thumb between her teeth!'

DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time, however, it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.

I used to dread it when my cat was ill because I used to get clawed to ribbons trying to make her swallow the tablet. I discovered that if you hide the tablet in a knob of butter she'll eat it easily but I lost a lot of blood before that discovery!

Good one Trolley!

i'll tell you a secret though

(i don't even like cats - i much prefer dogs)

oh now you don't mean that! I love dogs too but cats are less likely to knock me to the ground and slobber on my face while bitiing me!