BB FANS

A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on the motorway
in Germany. A man knocks on the window.
The driver rolls down his window and asks,
"What's going on?" The man tells him, "Terrorists
have kidnapped three England fans for a 10 million
euro ransom or they're going to douse them
with petrol and set them on fire. We're going
from car to car, taking up a collection."

The driver asks, "How much is everyone
giving, on average?"

The man replies, "About two gallons..."

His is a story about a man. His wife has told him that if he ever comes home drunk she will leave him.

Nonetheless he goes out. He drinks a lot and throws up all over himself. He turns to his friend and asks what he can do. His friend is helpful.

“Go home,” he says. “Tell your wife someone threw up on you. And put a twenty pound note inside your jacket pocket. Show her the money and tell her the other man gave it to you for the dry cleaning bill.”

So this he does. His wife is at first angry. But he explains. He tells her about the drunk man who threw up on him. He shows her the twenty pounds.

She looks. “But why have you got two £20 notes?” she asks.

“Oh,” he says. “The other one is from the man who shat in my pants.”

How can you be that funny at 7.21 in the morning Madeline? I was barely awake!

Observation from my sister in the USA.


COWS
Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government
can track a cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall
where she sleeps in the state of Washington? And, they tracked her calves to
their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens
wandering around our country. Maybe we should give them all a cow.

THE CONSTITUTION
They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq.
Why don't we just give them ours?
It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it's worked for over 200
years and we're not using it anymore.

TEN COMMANDMENTS
The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse........
You cannot post "Thou Shalt Not Steal," "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery"
and "Thou Shall Not Lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians --
it creates a hostile work environment.