BB FANS

Most are old :

Met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to
arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox.

I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah; I thought: "He's trying to pull
a fast one."

So I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said :"Eurostar?" I said: "I've been on telly, but I'm no Dean Martin."

So I said to the Gym instructor: "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He
said: "How flexible are you?" I said: "I can't make Tuesdays."

But I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack
myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.

You see, my next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes: he's a catholic
converter.

So I rang up British Telecom - I said: "I want to report a nuisance
caller." He said: "Not you again."

He said: "You remind me of a pepper-pot." I said: "I'll take that as a
condiment."

Now did you know all male tennis players are witches? For example Goran, even he's a witch.

And I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags: he's bisatchel.

So I was in Tesco and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. I
said: "Are you two an item?".

So a lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a train-load of terrapins, I
thought: "That's a turtle disaster."

Four fonts walk into a bar. The barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want
your type in here!"

A jump-lead walks into a bar. The barman says: "I'll serve you, but
don't start anything."

A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says: "Is this
some kind of joke?"

A dyslexic man walks into a bra...

A seal walks into a club...

A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:"Pint,
please, and one for the road."

A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to
the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in
the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because,"he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten
different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal". The other goes to a family in
Spain, they name him "Juan". Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds: "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal..."

I saw this bloke called Tim Vine when I went to see saturday Night Live being filmed...they sound like stuff he came out with.

I thought that mate, I wonder if they're some of his jokes - he just keeps onand on going with one liners!

did you ever see that crap game show he used to do on challenge (I think) ???

Oh yeah..was it whittle or wottle or something like that?

I saw him once at Chelsea on the way out of the ground...can't remember who Chelsea were playing..think it was Liverpool so he's either a blue or a red.