BB FANS

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate
> my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying. On
> one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the
> truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had
> sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the
> next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the
> bandage on the top of my head.
>
> The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes
> to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially, the new acquisition was no
> problem. Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when
> I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen. "Honey! The
> garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it."
>
> "You know where the button is," I protested through the shower
> pitter-patter and steam. "Reset it yourself!"
> "But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts going and sucks me
in?"
> There was a meaningful pause and then, "C'mon, it'll only take you a
> second."
> So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping that my silent
> outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her
> behavior as extremely cowardly. Sighing loudly, I squatted down and
> stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last action
> I remember performing.
> It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances.
> No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal
teeth.
> It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects
> she spied between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and
> stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the precise moment when
> I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and
> snagged them with her needle-like claws.
> I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly
> rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten
> hanging from my masculine region. Wild animals are sometimes faced with
> a fight or flight syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the
> "flight" option. I know this from experience. I was fleeing straight
> up into the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded
> my ascent. The impact knocked me out cold.
> When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Now there are
> not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the
> kitchen floor buck naked in front of a group of "been here, done-that"
> paramedics.
> Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were
> all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while
> trying to suppress their hysterical laughter......and not succeeding.
> Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back
> in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of
> me about my head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to
> talk about.
> Which it was.
> "What's the matter?" they all asked, "Cat got your tongue?"
> If they only knew!!