Anorak
6 Dec 2005
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FOR over nine months of the year, the Big Brother house lies idle.
Clearly this is a missed opportunity and for those poor souls stuck in life’s U-bend, the chance to watch Big Brother paint peel is not to be sniffed at.
If only the cameras had been left to roll, we could have watched a bottle of milk in the fridge turn sour, the grass in the garden grow and John Prescott wandering around with his official tape measure.
Not that Prezza will do the job himself. The Jade Goody of Westminster has better things to do with his time, like seeing how many cars it takes to fill the M4 and catching eggs in his hair.
No, he’ll send one of his minions in to do the job. There he is now, clipboard in hand, wandering round the place, inspecting the Big Brother house at the Elstree Film & Television Studios, Hertfordshire, to conduct a rates revaluation.
Caroline Spelman, Shadow Secretary of State for Local Government, says: "The sight of Labour's tax inspectors snooping around the Big Brother house is a sign of things to come in everyday houses across England.”
Derek Laud, Big Brother contestant and former speech writer to Margaret Thatcher, adds: "Contestants on BB give up their privacy to go on the show. But I fear there is no escape from the cameras of John Prescott. This is yet another example of a meddling interfering busy body government initiative."
But fair is fair, rules are rules. The Valuation Office Agency inspector wants to know whether the premises are business or residential.
As a spokesman explains: “We believe the site could be liable for rates because it’s a permanent structure.” Much like your car, which, despite Prezza’s integrated transport scheme, hasn’t moved in traffic for an age.
Here comes Prezza’s man with his clipboard now. Residential or business, he wants to know.
Celebrity Big Brother’s just weeks away. And he needs an answer. Hmmm… Residential. No, business. What about a rest home house for the tired and emotional celeb?
