December 21, 2005
HecklerSpray
Here we are at the arse-end of 2005, and what have we got to look forward to in 2006? More of the same relentless drudgery combined with a growing sense of your own mortality, that's what.
But - hey - apart from that, things are looking up! Why? Because we've got a brand new set of 2006 music betting odds for you to place some money on.
The good people at SportingOdds.com have devised a betting market based on artists getting a number one single at any point before 1/1/2007. We'll be seeing the week out with these betting odds, starting today with the chances that Michael Jackson, Cliff Richard and
Any Former Big Brother Contestant have of getting a number one record in 2006.
So here's part one of our 2006 music betting odds, with help from SportingOdds.com...
Michael Jackson - On paper, Michael Jackson's stock has never looked lower. He may have been cleared of child abuse - but he's still getting sued by pretty much anyone who has ever met him, he's fled to the Middle East and his much touted Hurricane Katrina single has yet to see the light of day. Anything new that Michael Jackson releases is bound to be something of a failure.
However, Michael still has a lot of weirdly devoted disciples, and they're the people who are likely to fall for Sony Music's latest scam gift to the fans - one re-released 'classic' Michael Jackson single will go on sale each week for five months, starting in January. Yes, just like Elvis did last year. Now, January is a notoriously easy month to get a number one in, so we'd say that Michael Jackson has a pretty good chance of getting a number one record at some point next year. Unless he decides to re-release You Rock My World every single week, of course. Current 2006 Number One odds:
0 number ones - 11/10
One or two number ones - 7/4
More than two number ones - 3/1
Cliff Richard - Cliff Richard is a notoriously hard man to second-guess. Time was that he was the golden boy of UK music; making films, representing the UK in Eurovision, dressing up in earphones and rollerskates for the Wired For Sound video, getting 16 number one records. Now, though, every time he releases a single it's banned by one radio station or another.
Cliff's last shot at a number one was What Car, a weird song named after an automotive magazine. It got to number 12 and, piqued that nobody really liked him any more, Cliff decided to retire from music. We think his ego is too big for that to last, however, and it'll only take one song called Isn't Jesus Really Blinking Great? marketed around the churches to get him back to number one, if that's what he really wants. Current 2006 Number One odds - 7/1
Any Former Big Brother Contestant (not Celebrity) - Judging by the past, the chances of a Big Brother contestant getting a number one single look incredibly slim.
If you're lucky, you'll have forgotten about At This Time Of Year, the Christmas single released by Big Brother One winner
Craig. It was beyond dreadful, and the worst kind of cash-in single you could imagine. It reached number 14.
And then there was
Nadia, the transsexual winner of Big Brother 2004, who released A Little Bit Of Action, which hit the heady heights of number 27. But who knows? Maybe Science will come good on his rapping promise, or maybe someone on BB06 will sing like a nightingale. Oh, who are we kidding. A talented Big Brother contestant? Current 2006 Number One odds - 25/1
