8 Apr 2005
CRIPES! Little Molly and Lilly have grown up fast. One of them looks about 40-odd and the other is holding a champagne flute.
Bosom buddies
Last time we saw the little McPaddings, they were being carted over from Ireland to live in sun-kissed Warrington with their mum, Kerry.
Who says trauma doesn’t do funny things to people. But at least their sudden growth spurt has one happy side-effect: Kerry looks slimmer and younger than ever.
She is also browner of hair, and is now blessed with a grin that has made Tony Blair a household name. It’s as if every one of her teeth has an agent of their own as they fight each other to get noticed.
Of course, they don’t stand a chance - they have to compete with Kerry. And she’s pulling out all the stops, and pulling on the bra tops and the bikini briefs, posing for the cameras in no fewer than five different swimsuits.
And what’s more, Kerry’s got a new pose. Having caged her usual sticking-out tongue behind her auditioning teeth, Kerry has taken to standing with her hands on her hips.
She does this lots. Although in one mad moment of insane spontaneity, she does throw her hands in the air. Sadly, she forgets to unbend them, and this gives her the appearance of a bikini-clad labourer holding aloft an imaginary ladder.
But she is what she is. But Molly and Lilly are not what we first feared they were. They are a certain Lisa and Joanne, Kerry’s bestest mate and half-sister, respectively.
Hey, come on, it was an easy mistake to make. Kerry is Celebrity Mum of the Year, and the very least we expected when she went on holiday to Cyprus was that the nippers would be there too...
Paul Sorene is the Anorak