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I'M A CELEB: POLLYOMETER
I'M A CELEB: IT'S DAY ONE
Polly Hudson

JASON DONOVAN

I USED to wear his photo in a locket round my neck when I was 15. Love like that never dies. MUST WIN.

TOBY ANSTIS

ANNOUNCED Myleene in a bikini is 'tough to bear' and he fancies Jan. Right, Tobes whatever you say.

JAN LEEMING

MANAGED to keep cool during the trial, even when faced with rats and toads. Good training for the next 14 days.

FAITH BROWN

INSULTED by David's boob comment - surely not the first time she's heard such a thing? Toughen up!

MATT WILLIS

KEEPING quite a low profile so far. Mind you, it is only the first day so I suppose we can let him off. For now.

LAUREN BOOTH

LOVED David confronting her straight off about her bitchy comments about him in the papers and how she squirmed.

DAVID GEST

RECKONS he knows all the Hollywood greats - but didn't mention Judy Garland. So is he not a friend of Dorothy?

PHINA ORUCHE

SULKED and snapped when she didn't get her way about the Bushtucker Trial. That's the spirit, you team-player,

MYLEENE KLASS

WORRIED as she jumped from helicopter she might 'bounce and hit the rotary blades'. That would've been a show!

SCOTT HENSHALL

WAS first in the tree house but soon discovered no one wanted to sleep with him. Just like at home then.

Mirror

Jan reminded me of Jenny Bond with her jolly hockeysticks kind of persona!
Toby has definitely got the hots for her!!
Didnt like Scott much.Too stroppy and obviously used to getting his own way.
Thought I'd dislike David but he was much more of a team player than I thought he would be and far more practical then I'd expected(but what could scare a man who had already handled Michael Jackson's snakes!!!:eek:)

15 November 2006
POLLYOMETER
I'M A CELEB: GEST STARS
By Polly Hudson

JASON DONOVAN

OFFICIALLY the nicest person in the world. Says he loves David, who he sees as a "genuinely unique individual" (you can say that again).

Then added that he's "gorgeous actually". Come on Jason, that's taking it a tad too far don't you think?

JAN LEEMING

SHE'S so emotional it's a miracle she was able to read the news without constantly bursting into tears.

Upset that her nails are dirty, she's been bitten by bugs and complained that it's cold.

That's her moaning quota for the whole series done in a single day.

FAITH BROWN

WAS the obvious choice to get the Celebrity Chest. Boom Boom.

Thank goodness Aussie Jason - and her bra - was there to support her.

"What do you want to do?" Jase asked when the pair of them saw the swing.

"Go home," she replied.

LAUREN BOOTH

HAS put her foot in it AGAIN. "I don't know who Phina Oruche is," she announced to her campmates - one of whom is, er, Phina Oruche.

Wish David hadn't forgiven her for slating him to the papers, would have been much funnier to see them at war.

MATT WILLIS

GREAT reaction to Toby's rap - "I'm trying to say to myself, 'Stop being such a p***k. Just enjoy it,' but I cringe at the thought of it."

Also loved him trying his best not to laugh when David announced he'd thought Liza Minnelli was too fat to sing at Jacko's party.

DAVID GEST

THE best Reality TV booking ever. Before the trial, told jungle hosts Ant and Dec: "I moved my bowels before I left and I'm ready to do this."

And then he was brave, funny and got loads of stars.

What a guy. Liza Minnelli's ex is sooo King Of The Jungle.

Go Gest!

PHINA ORUCHE

DURING a conversation with Lauren about the Blairs and the war in Iraq, she revealed: "I'm not very political, I just do spirit." Yeah, we can tell.

I can't work out her strange accent - is she actually American or just doing a Naomi Campbell?

SCOTT HENSHALL

SNEERED: "I hope it isn't turning into an all-singing variety show where everyone is wanting to perform for the cameras because that can get a bit too much."

Yeah, right, Scott - and also because then you might have to pretend to be nice. Perish the thought.

TOBY ANSTIS

APPARENTLY thinks he's a jungle version of Eminem - is wearing a red bandanna and composing (c)raps. ("Ten egos in the place/Keeping an eye on their own space/No one had the notion/They might cause quite a commotion.")

Tigger needs to be put down.

MYLEENE KLASS

THIS focused young lady will apparently do anything for votes - yesterday pictured posing under a waterfall in a white Bond girl bikini.

Today, she saucily announced to the group, "I love plucking", while hoping everyone misheard.

SundayMirror online

POLLYOMETER
I'M A CELEB: HE'S A TRIAL
By Polly Hudson

DAVID GEST

JUST when you thought The David Gest show couldn't possibly get any better, he starts narrating to the cameras. "These people are starving. I'm going to die, I'm going to be buried under some rock here and Jason's going to sing at my funeral." Genius.

JASON DONOVAN

AFTER Scott had whined about his lame non-attempt at the Bushtucker Trial for the 485th time, Jase tried to console him. "You have to have a sense of humour about these things," he reasoned. It was like talking to a brick wall but, hey, at least he tried.

JAN LEEMING

LEEMING'S not beaming, she's heartbroken. "I'm still in love with somebody. When he left I couldn't listen to Lionel Richie because he wooed me with Truly." PLEASE let her fall in love with David. If he can't heal her heart he surely knows a surgeon who can.

MATT WILLIS

MYSTIC Mat t has predicted that the group are: "Two days away from a dinner argument, two days away from everyone getting really short with people." Promises, promises. Needs to be a bit funnier and stop moaning - and quickly.

MYLEENE KLASS

IT SEEMED absolutely nothing was going to get infuriatingly cheerful, capable Klass down-but now something has. Poo. Or, to be more precise, lack of it. "We need prunes," she pleaded. "And more vegetables because there is very little movement." Too much information.

TOBY ANSTIS

WHAT could be worse than his rapping? Him talking about crapping. "The camp is clogged right now. Four days in and nothing's moving," he said, before outing those who are yet to, ahem, go. (Myleene, Jan, Scott and Matt, in case you care.)

FAITH BROWN

I MUST say, I'm disappointed. She has a reputation for being funny and feisty and full of life, but so far if yet to say or do anything of note. Or make us laugh. And she cuddled Scott by choice - ewww. Oh well, I'll try and keep the faith a bit longer.

LAUREN BOTH

MRS Jolly Hockey Sticks revealed she spent her teen years with "Yardies". Well, not Yardies, but the Raggas. "I had 10 years of just getting down. I am just the hip-hop girl." Did no one tell her trying too hard to be cool is, like, wack?

PHINA ORUCHE

YESTERDAY she was soothing Jan and praying for God to give her strength. Today she's bitching about her with Scott, saying, "She has a nasty attitude." Pot, kettle, anyone? No surprise she is mates with the equally unlikeable Scott.

SCOTT HENSHALL

BITCHED about King David AND had the audacity to shout, "I'm a celebrity..." If he's a celeb, so is my cat. And he only got a pathetic one star. Boo! (That's me booing - not trying to make you jump, by the way.)

'M A CELEBRITY: POLLYOMETER
By Polly Hudson

DAVID GEST

OHMIGOD how AMAZING did he look made up like a cat? It's literally the only thing he could have done to make himself even more popular with me. On Jan: "She's very loose when she sings. She's like a free spirit. She's pizzazz." No one's more pizzazz than you, Gesty!

JASON DONOVAN
NEEDS to keep his mind occupied so, "I'm thinking of making a little table. If it's strong enough, maybe a little seat too." I love the idea! Also had great reaction to suggestion the cardboard Jenny Bond mask be used as fire-wood: That's a really bad scene. You shouldn't burn people."

MATT WILLIS

AT laaaaast, he's perked up a bit! Told some jokes and did a few Beavis and Butthead impressions to entertain the group (OK, OK, I know it's hardly comedy gold but at least he's trying and it makes a change from him moaning about beans). More please!

JAN LEEMING

LOVE how Moaning Minnie is throwing herself into preparing for David's forthcoming cabaret extravaganza. Showed him what she could do by crooning Happy Talk (seemingly without seeing the irony) before pretending the rock she was singing to was her baby "for motivation". Encore!

DEAN GAFFNEY

HE'S only been there five minutes but is already making very profound statements. Example? "For the trial I was given a dressing gown which is ironic because I wear a dressing gown at home at night because they're comfortable. But this wasn't comfortable."

TOBY ANSTIS

THE Tobester's struggling to keep positive as after six days he still hasn't been able to, um, resolve things toiletistically, if you get my drift. "It doesn't even feel anywhere near," he moaned, before refusing the offer of a prostrate massage from Scott. If only the cameras weren't there, eh, Tobes?

MYLEENE KLASS

AFTER a faultless performance at the start, has let herself down a bit by complaining about being a celebrity. Yawn. "It's lonely, very, very lonely. You're out there for a red carpet event and you think, is that it? It's so superficial." Why does she go to so many of them then?

FAITH BROWN

HARPO Marx-hair told Jason, "You are a clever boy aren't you? You've surprised me so much." Talk about backhanded compliment! Mind you, I suppose Faith has had to get used to a life of doing things from the back as her front is more than a little busy.

LAUREN BOOTH

MADE everyone chant: "Dear Leader you are great. We will catch yabbies with our bait. We won't eat rice when we get back. We won't be afraid of Frick or Frack. Yay dear leader!" If she releases that as a hiphop single I'm resigning from the human race.

PHINA ORUCHE

SHOCK news: She's actually done something nice! "I wouldn't know who Dean is from a hole in the wall, but he's a human being." (Hmmm - debatable.) "And he earned me my dinner so that least thing that I could do is wash his knickers." Yes, you really did just read that.

SCOTT HENSHALL

MADE a "Welcome Fellow Jungler" sign for the new arrival - then ruined it all by announcing, "I'm being nice, it doesn't mean I'm really being nice. 'Welcome fellow jungler', but is it genuine?" Phina obviously knows him really well by now as she immediately replied: "No."

STORIESMirror

23 November


DAVID GEST

HIS face now looks completely normal to me. Devastated me a bit by revealing that he never had a Judy Garland room in his house, or a Shirley Temple one. I wanted those things to be true!

JASON DONOVAN

HASN'T eaten for three years but is amazingly upbeat. "I'm feeling good. I've got my smile and I've got my sense of humour back under adversity." If he does life coaching, sign me up!

JAN LEEMING

BRILLIANT when she announced: "I can hear everything you're saying from the dunny" - after the nasty girls had been bitching about her. But not as much as I loved her using the f-word.

MATT WILLIS

LOVED him patiently trying to feed petulant child David rice. Dividing it up, he cajoled: "If you eat this bit you can leave the rest." Should have done that train thing with the spoon.

MYLEENE KLASS

HAS gone up in my estimation. Yesterday cracked three jokes and today was the only one with a quiet word of comfort for poor Jan. She'll be rewarded in heaven.

TOBY ANSTIS

DIDN'T think he could outdo his dancing to Justin Timberlake's Sexy-back but I was wrong. Yesterday he got his groove on to Especially For You while wearing an inflatable sumo outfit!

DEAN GAFFNEY

AS a woman, I found it depressing the girls immediately started bitching and fighting as soon as they were alone. But Gaffers is doing his bit to even things up by snapping at Toby.

FAITH BROWN

NOT sure why, maybe because of her age, but I expected better of her than to join in with the Leeming bashing. But she did. Boo.

MALANDRA BURROWS

DURING Phina's bitchy attack on Jan, she piped up delightedly: "This is better than EastEnders." That's not hard, is it? Has contributed less than the kangaroo's bum.

LAUREN BOOTH

TRIED to suck up to The Leeming by saying her actions spoke louder than words but was then put in her place by Jan: "You've made many acidic remarks I've bitten my lip over. Ha ha

PHINA ORUCHE

EVERY bad thing I've thought about her is right. She literally uses the phrase 'FYI'. Shouted at Jesus to get her out. Jesus, if you're reading this, go on and don't let her back.

SCOTT HENSHALL

WHEN faced with a plate of kangaroo announced: "I might eat the anus but not any of the other things." Conclusive proof the old adage is absolutely true - you are what you eat.



Mirror

Polly praises It for the nasty pep talk he gave Scott before the trial but never says a thing about the fair-minded women who just wished Phina good luck.

POLLYOMETER


DAVID GEST

LOVED pre-trial pep talk to Scott: "Go at her with all the hate because of the last time. Kick her ass." Yay!

JASON DONOVAN

ON the girls return: "Change the dynamic and bring the dynamic back, it creates what's happened here." Eh?

JAN LEEMING

PHINA said sorry to Jan for her comments. Nice of The Leeming to insist they put it behind them. Too nice.

MATT WILLIS

THEY all know each other pretty well by now and ask anything. Matt to Dean: "Do you know Chris Tarrant?"

TOBY ANSTIS

THE boys enjoyed it men only. Toby admitted: "I like it like this." Don't hide it anymore. You'll be happier.

DEAN GAFFNEY

DAVID tried to motivate him, with chants of: "You'll find yourself. You'll become normal." Er, good luck Dave.

MYLEENE KLASS

TOUGH to write about - amazing in a bikini, nice and cheery but doesn't do much. Don't you feel for me?

FAITH BROWN

ON Lauren: "Her legs are quite swollen. Is it medical?" Could she be doing an impression of a bitch?

MALANDRA BURROWS

Apparently her name is a combination of her parents', Malcolm and Sandra. If only they'd been Dudley and Jill.

LAUREN BOOTH

"ALL insecure as she's got major body issues. Classic letting yourself go," Saint Phina said sweetly.

SCOTT HENSHALL

STILL whimpering on about Phina's out-of-order bite which was a MONTH ago. Time to get over it.

PHINAORUCHE

WON women over boasting of her body: "If there wasn't cameras I'd be naked." Thank God for the cameras.

Mirror

27 November
I'M A CELEBRITY: POLLYOMETER


DAVID GEST

HAS finally spoken about That Kiss. "I was so excited, so in love that it looked like I was eating a part of her. When I saw it three months later, I was going: 'Oh my God, Liza'. Me too. But not the Liza bit.

JASON DONOVAN

JUST when I thought I could not possibly love him any more, I hear the news that Phina thinks he does not like her (apparently because she called him Scott, as in Robinson). I say, Go Jase!

JAN LEEING

IT IS a shame the tenth commandment is not 'Thou Shalt Give Your Bed To An Elder In Need' - then maybe Phina would have let Jan, 82, have the treehouse bed and not hogged it for two nights' running.

MATT WILLIS

I HAVE not even noticed she has gone from the camp, but Matt is really missing Faith. "She's the nicest, sweetest person I have ever met in my life, Other than my nan." Praise indeed.

MYLEENE KLASS

FACED her fear of the dark in a coffin filled with jungle nasties. "It was morbid, it had eels, slime, darkness." Just like her days in Hear'say, I should imagine.

DEAN GAFFNEY

IT IS a jungle dream come true for Gaffers. He got to spend the night alone in the dark with a woman who had no means of escape - without even shelling out for a bottle of Asti Spumanti in Chinawhite.

MALANDRA BURROWS

HORROR of horrors - had to spend the night in the dark with spiders, snakes and Love-rat Gaffney. I bet you a tenner she has a spotty kid in nine months' time.

PHINA ORUCHE

IS IT just me, or is it true to say that even if she was literally the only other person alive on the entire planet, you still would not want to make friends with her? A vile, selfish meanie.

OUT

FAITH BROWN

SCOTT HENSHALL

TOBY ANSTIS

LAUREN BOOTH

Mirror

30 November
I'M A CELEBRITY: POLLYOMETER

DAVID GEST

JAN is confused. "I can't work out David's fact from fantasy," she said after he told her his 97-year-old aunt with a missing ear-lobe does 20 pushups a day, collects parrots and used to have feathers on her "breast nipples."

JASON DONOVAN

AFTER nearly three weeks Jase has snapped. The nicest man ever actually said something a bit mean. But it was only about Gaffers so it's ok. Seeing Dean preening, Jase muttered, "God, he loves to do his hair doesn't he?"

MATT WILLIS

EVERY now and then it seems like he's raising his game and then nothing. Maybe whoever edits the show secretly hates him so they're cutting all his brilliantly funny bits out. If so, please stop, you meanie.

MYLEENE KLASS

JAN to Myleene about her first marriage: "I had courage to walk out six months in." "Well done," Myleene said, when I hope she was thinking courage before the wedding would have been better.

DEAN GAFNEY

ON his way to Temple Of Doom said, "If I get through this I've done all I wanted to." What, in life? Don't know if I've ever been more disturbed than when he yelped, "Oh baby! Oh yeah! Come on baby!" as he was bitten by ants. Mirror

2 December 2006
ALL TIME POLLYOMETER


DAVID GEST

All the best legends are tinged with tragedy - and David was taken from us much too soon. We'll never forget the tall stories, the laughs, or the hair.

Holy focaccia!

TARA PALMER TOMPKINSON

The biggest success story of I'm A Celeb. Went into the jungle seen as a useless, posh, drug-addled It Girl - came out a national sweetheart. And shouted at Darren Day while she was there.

JORDAN & PETER

The most beautiful love story ever told. Sort of. They got married, you know - you probably didn't notice, it was just a small, private, classy affair.

Insania.

CAROL THATCHER

Who could have ever guessed that the Iron Lady's daughter would turn out to be so loveable? Even watching her weeing all over the jungle camp didn't put us off.

PAUL BURRELL

Must have done other things apart from that infamous Bushtucker Trial, though it's hard to remember what it was. But that was enough, really. Comedy gold.

SID OWEN

Tried so hard to forge an identity for himself in the public consciousness as Sid, rather than Rickaaaaay. Failed. But Ricky was ever so nice, funny and good-natured.

JANET STREET PORTER

Her disdain for Paul Burrell amused us for days, as did her unlikely fondness for ex-E17-er Brian Harvey. She also swore more than anyone else in the jungle has ever swore. Yay!

DANIELLA WESTBROOK

Fascinating viewing. She didn't stay long, but she sure made an impact - and cried bucketloads. Even if she hadn't spoken, it was worth having her there just to see that nose up close.

RHONA CAMERON

I didn't particularly like her, and she didn't even do that well in the show. But no I'm A Celeb round up would be complete without her, due to her famous "Sometimes" speech.

PHINA ORUCHE

One of the least likeable contestants... EVER. Her bitchiness, back-stabbing and aggression knew no bounds. But it has to be said, things sure weren't dull when she was around. mirror

GEST WHO CALLED TO SAY THANKS
By Polly Hudson

OH. MY. GOD. David Gest rang me to tell me of his jungle joy yesterday. I kid you not.

In what is easily the best moment of my life, Gesty called from Down Under to thank me for all my support. Amazing.

Yesterday, after he was cruelly evicted because the whole country has gone mad, I wished him well as he returned to life with his personal teeth-cleaner, one-legged parents and the infamous parrot-pecked auntie (who is deficient in the ear-lobe department to the tune of one).

So he rang to express his gratitude. "Polly, I've just been talking to my 97-year-old aunt and she read your piece," he tells me as I faint with excitement. "Even though she's missing an earlobe and a lot of her teeth she loved what you wrote.

I just wanted to tell you that it was was very sweet. You're a doll.

"You must get together with her one of these days."

I would love to. But hang on, surely all David's hilarious stories are made up? Not according to him. "They are all true. Well, my aunt is actually my cousin but I call her my aunt."

So is he gutted about not making the final? "It's OK, the young kids deserve to win it. I had a long run and a lot of fun. I want them all to win it. They're all great."

I love you, Dave! You may not be King of the Jungle but you've won my heart.

Mirror