A fairytale for Joe... By Kevin O'Sullivan
And they all lived happily ever after…
Oh my lord – what a love-in!
I’m not saying that odd couple Mr Swash and Mr Sulu got too close…but now that male pregnancy is all the rage Jungle Joe might like to think about birth control.
They kissed, they cuddled – they rewrote the I’m A Celebrity rule book. Once upon a time ITV’s circus of cruelty was about laughing at self-obsessed minor stars having major rows.
It was a ludicrous rain forest farce in which detestable hungry has-beens humiliated themselves gagging on cockroach cocktails in the last chance showbiz saloon. But this year everything changed. With the dishonourable exception of sadistic creep Timmy Mallett, no real hate figures emerged.
Even Robert Kilroy-Silk wasn’t that bad!
While malevolent Mallett cackled hysterically at the sight of a fellow human being in pain, courageous Kilroy picked up huge spiders with his teeth and so became an unlikely Bushtucker Trial hero. Nevertheless, the former telly muckraker was the first to be voted out.
“I didn’t think it would be me,” revealed Silksy. Why on Earth not? Everyone else did.
But back to Friday night’s fabulous finale …and there was something strangely uplifting as the last three vowed eternal friendship.
A Czech-born lesbian, a gay Asian-American 71-year-old and a chirpy Cockney geezer. Only the great British public would get behind such a bizarre trio. Brilliant!
Runner-up Martina Navratilova was a good sport – and, as she proved in that horrid helmet full of disgusting insects, brave with it. She never once complained that her new best chum Joe never stopped calling her Martine.
Meanwhile…I think I love gorgeous George Takei too. After chewing on a crocodile’s manhood,
the stoic Star Trek veteran boomed: “Accustomed as I am to penises – that one got between my teeth!” This extraordinarily charming man has the world’s most beautiful speaking voice. Sadly, former Albert Square barrow boy Swash has the worst.
But hey, Joe was impossible not to like. There was only ever going to be one King of the Jungle.
Deranged David Van Day knew it. But that didn’t stop the paunchy pop flop staging an impressive bid to steal the show. You can bet your bottom dollar that burger boy’s desperate attempt to resurrect his long- dead career won’t succeed.
But, hogging the cameras like a lunatic possessed, Van Driver tried his little heart out and delivered TV gold. “What was the public finking?” gasped unknown WAG Nicola McLean after she was kicked out before her sworn enemy Dave.
Well Nicola… we was finking that Van the man’s manic antics were a bit more entertaining than your artificial breasts.
Naturally, TV’s best presenters Ant and Dec were sensational.
And, while it was low on strife, this loved-up series was somehow life- affirming.
I’m A Celebrity 2008 had the feel-good factor. What’s wrong with that?
Mirror
