BB FANS

TV programmers seem to think we survive on reality and celebrity shows.They must, otherwise they wouldn't give viewers hour after boring hour of this mind-numbing tosh. Don't they get it? Don't they understand that we're all jungled out? Wemay not be celebrities, but get us out of here anyway. If not, our big brothers won't just be watching you, they'll be round at your door.

Fortunately, though, telly watchdogs Ofcom have studied the findings of a survey among viewers and state that we are all officially bored with the reality show repetition.

Ofcom are convinced viewers want more innovative programming, but their findings are not surprising given the rampant copying which has led to screens being filled with cheap and tasteless variations on themes which were bizarre to begin with.

The number of docusoaps or factual entertainment series has almost doubled in less than five years and I'm referring to programmes like Celebrity Detox, Back to Reality, Survivor, The Games,andThe Salon.

And what about that last one, The Salon?What a load of manure that is.

Are telly tubes really holed up in an editing suite thinking we sit in front of the television salivating when that comes on?

No we're not, you bampots.

If anything, we're sitting there wondering why somebody spent time and effort producing a programme which insults what's left of our intelligence.

But instead of the grovelling apology we richly deserve, we get more of the same Celebrity Stars in their Eyes.

Just think of the number of home make-over and cookery programmes we're expected to digest these days and you'll get the picture.

Have you seen the latest one? You know, the latest cookery programme in which Gordon Ramsay gets to spew bile at aspiring chefs.

Here's a manwho has spent most of his life in the kitchen yet he's now making out like he's the neighbourhood bully.

Listen Gordon, here's the deal you're a cook, not John Rambo.The notion of you as some kind of hard man is as laughable, just like your attempts to win a sympathy vote on Parkinson the other night.

Did any of you catch that show?

Hewas telling the world he didn't get on with his old man, as though this made him different somehow.