August 26, 2005
The Times
A jaw-dropping new proposition from the inventor of Big Brother
After the news that the Dutch television magnate John de Mol, creator of Big Brother, is to test the boundaries of good taste further with a controversial new show, Times readers are invited to evaluate which of the following is the real thing, and which the ravings of a sick and demented mind.
1.
Please, Sir, Can I Have a Mother? Ten orphans are installed in a high-security compound. They are set daily tasks by “matron”. Failure to complete the tasks or persistent naughtiness results in punishment, ranging from sweet deprivation to a stint in a specially constructed “workhouse”. Each week, the public evicts one child. The winner will receive a private education and loving parents, to be chosen in a sister show, Make Us a Family.
2.
I Want Your Child and Nothing Else. A single woman is presented with a group of sperm donors of varying degrees of intellectual and physical attractiveness. She will make her selection based purely on the men’s genetic suitability, not on their potential as fathers, as the successful candidate will bear no responsibility for their issue. The winner, chosen by public vote, will then impregnate the woman who nine months later, in a one-off follow up, will give birth live on air.
3.
I’m a Hardline Preacher of Hate, Let Me Stay. Six religious fundamentalists, representing a variety of creeds, are gathered near Heathrow. Their task is to say nice things about each other’s faiths, develop stratagems for tolerance and practice talking in calm, controlled tones. Each week, the least convincing will be shown to a waiting plane by government officials. The overall winner gets to stay in Britain.
