HELL? IT'S HEAVEN!
After 9,000 weeks of Big Brother dross, Hell's Kitchen has come along with the perfect reality show recipe.
A clever sprinkling of celebrities, an interesting mix of personalities and more exaggerations than Ben Shephard on happy pills.
The restaurant is "the home of the rich and famous" and "A-list celebrities"... apparently.
Kenzie? Antony Costa? Christine Hamilton? About as A-list as my little toe.
But it is still good entertainment, contained within a short, sharp, two-week blast -- BB take note.
While the grand dame of the kitchen Marco Pierre White seemed somewhat contrived, he is warming up into a great addition.
He lacks Gordon Ramsay's foul mouth and boyish charm but his brooding arrogance is priceless (something not unnoticed by Anneka Rice who has come over all unnecessary - enough to put you off your chocolate souffle).
"Success has many fathers and I am, maybe, the grandfather within that kitchen. Failure only has one."
Who speaks like that?
Marco doesn't swear, looks like maybe he doesn't wash, and is over the top. But his control over the kitchen is second to none and the celebrities are in real awe.
"I'm like a bingo caller." That makes Kelly LeBrock and Brian Dowling two fat ladies and Abbey Clancy legs eleven.
Lee Ryan has already walked after loser Jim Davidson got gobby (no change there then) and Marco branded a customer a pikey. "He was upset that he called me a **** and told me to **** off," moaned Jim. "But then every one does." Time to take the hint, mate.
It's a shame. Lee was set to provide some comedy gems. "I like fish because fish go on a journey. Especially salmon. It goes up stream. Do you know how difficult that is?"
No, Lee. Do you?
Adele Silva has the kind of face that looks like it's had a good battering (or needs one).
Paul "Mute" Young and Barry McGuigan have yet to stir up much fun and are unlikely to. And Rosie Boycott has been sent packing. (Oh what a tragic loss. Not). Only two major gripes. Angus Deayton. He is unfunny, selfabsorbed and needs his head firmly yanking back out of his own backside.
And Jim "I'm The Captain" Davidson's open homophobia to Brian Dowling (who talks like a 12-year-old - too long on kids telly?) Comic(ally challenged) Jim suggested Brian was put on pastry duty because he was gay.
If racism isn't allowed, this bullying shouldn't be, either. But moans aside, Hell's Kitchen has got it licked.
People