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Wimbledon: Henman confident of defeat
http://www.bbfans.co.uk/viewtopic.php?f=45&t=25569		 Page 1 of 2
Author:  JimD [ 21 Apr 06, 0:52 ]
Post subject:  Wimbledon: Henman confident of defeat
Deadbrain
19 Apr 2006 by Sir Charles Cheese-Cake

With less than 3 months to go until the start of Wimbledon, alleged tennis player Tim Henman has stated his unabashed intent to continue gloriously repeating his past performances of woeful inadequacy.

Fresh from romping home to defeat in the Davis Cup last week the former British No.1 has once again set his sights on a triumphant first round exit at The All England Tennis Club Finals which begin in mid June.

Speaking at his training camp in Woking he said, "My huge legion of blindly optimistic fans can rest assured that I'll have crashed out of the tournament by Day 2. I've been working hard on several aspects of my game such as clenching my fist if I happen to win a point, looking very cross if a call doesn't go my way, and clapping forlornly in the crowd's direction after I've lost."

The sight of literally tens of Union Jack-clad fans loitering outside Centre Court may soon be a thing of the past – speculation is rife that this year will (hopefully) be Henman's last appearance at SW19. Having struggled embarrassingly around the international tennis scene for over ten years, the victory-shy star has selflessly perpetuated Britain's dismal record in the sport by failing to register a single Grand Slam success - a feat he's keen to be remembered for after his overdue retirement.

"Apart from miraculously getting to the semi-final a few years ago I think I've been pretty consistent in my tennis. The British public expect me to talk myself up before a game, maybe scrape a rare victory against an unknown wildcard entrant and then bravely roar to a loss whenever I come up against half-decent opposition. I can't give them anything but abject failure at the end of my career, can I?"

Henman's win-starved campaign has not been without controversy. Having recovered from a triple charisma bypass operation in the early nineties he was then the subject of a year's ban from Wimbledon after hitting a ball girl during one of his regular hissy fits:
"I wasn't aiming for her," insists the dullard, "but when have I ever managed to hit anything I was actually aiming for?"

The chairman of The England Tennis Association today played down the effect of the ex- British No.1's retirement from the game. "Tim has been a loyal servant, courageously sacrificing himself over the years, but we've plenty of young and exciting no-hopers coming up through the ranks of our youth academy. I can assure you they'll carry on his and Greg Rusedski's legacy of complete and utter uselessness."
Author:  pikeylass [ 21 Apr 06, 0:55 ]
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FFS!!!Why turn up if thats your attitude!!!????Tell you what,Tim.The local tennis club juniors could do with some help if you've got the time :roll: ::lol::
Author:  Mozza [ 21 Apr 06, 15:46 ]
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::lol:: at that article.

Lets hope it's right and he does fail, again, over-rated tossbag.
Author:  foinavon [ 22 Apr 06, 13:43 ]
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Has he ever actually WON any tennis tournaments?
Author:  Rincewind [ 22 Apr 06, 14:22 ]
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Ok

1. the story is a spoof

2. he had maintained a place in the worlds top twenty for almost a decade, he didn't do that by being crap, hes been one of our most consistent sportsman for a while, 7 grand slam semi-finals (not just once miraculously), kind of proves this, does the writer of this know anything about tennis?

3. yes he has won tournaments

4. how can he be over-rated when most people in this country just slate him constantly

5. in this hilarious spoof :roll: , they intimate about his defeat in the Davis Cup, a little harsh as he wasn't even playing in it :roll:
Author:  foinavon [ 25 Apr 06, 15:30 ]
Post subject: 
foinavon wrote:
Has he ever actually WON any tennis tournaments?


I am genuinely sorry for this comment and I take it back. My comment was nasty, jealous and spiteful, just like all my other 240-odd posts. I am completely stupid so I didn't know the article was a spoof, and I am jealous of people who are good at things and have achieved things in their lives; I have a nasty, stupid little mind and instead of making jealous comments about Tim Henman, Jade Goody and Beeswax, who are cleverer, nicer, richer and more successful than horrible foinavon will ever be, I should stick to writing my pathetic website about someone who, like me, is a loser. In future I will keep my worthless opinions to myself. :oops:
Author:  Mozza [ 25 Apr 06, 15:34 ]
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He is over-rated because every year you get people who say "This is Henman's year", "he's good enough to win it" and it never happens because he's crap.

Wimbledon isn't my cup of tea anyway, it's a pointless competition that prevents me from watching Neighbours for a fortnight IMO.
Author:  pikeylass [ 25 Apr 06, 16:02 ]
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I love wimbledon.When i lived about 3 miles away,used to go down after work of an evening for a reclaimed ticket.Now I have to contain myself to the sofa with Pimms and Strawberries!Ace!
Author:  Rincewind [ 25 Apr 06, 16:10 ]
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Umm, Foinavon, calm down, no offence meant, just a differing of opinion :D
Author:  Westy [ 25 Apr 06, 20:02 ]
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Morrissey wrote:
He is over-rated because every year you get people who say "This is Henman's year", "he's good enough to win it" and it never happens because he's crap.

Wimbledon isn't my cup of tea anyway, it's a pointless competition that prevents me from watching Neighbours for a fortnight IMO.


Dunno about crap but he never did have what it takes to actually win it, he could do an Ivanisevic and go and win it when no-one expects him to but I doubt it.
Author:  Spawn of Blagman [ 25 Apr 06, 21:07 ]
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Morrissey wrote:

Wimbledon isn't my cup of tea anyway, it's a pointless competition that prevents me from watching Neighbours for a fortnight IMO.


That sums it up for me too ... thou Henmans exsistance on the planet makes for great material for Punt and Dennis in the "Now Show" on radio 4.. :D
Author:  milly [ 25 Apr 06, 21:14 ]
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I am like you Pikey... I like watching Wimbledon with the odd Pimms and strawberries... yumm :D
Author:  Mari A [ 25 Apr 06, 21:22 ]
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:oops: I like watching Wimbledon as well :oops:
Author:  the hippo [ 25 Apr 06, 21:50 ]
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i like watching wimbledon too












especially the women :D
Author:  milly [ 25 Apr 06, 21:51 ]
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we might have known ::lol::
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