Drains fault at Wembley to take 8 months to rectify, completion date remains unaffected
Bumbling officials at Wembley, the Frank Spencer of stadiums, have announced yet another setback to the beleaguered building schedule – this time to the complex drainage system running under the nowhere-near-finished venue.
"Me and the lads thought there was a nasty smell of urine," said one construction worker whilst relaxing during a five-hour lunch break, "but we just put that down to the 1966 English and German world cup teams after their visit the other day."
Unlike current England boss, Sven Goran Eriksson, the drains have not been properly laid and will need to be dug up, DeadBrain can reveal. The drainage system is incredibly important as it allows all the spittle and blood excreted by the players during a match to escape. Once the unwanted fluids have seeped through the pitch they will then progress to an underground reservoir, from where they'll be bottled and sold as an isotonic drink to stupid people by a large American conglomerate.
The drainage problem is the latest in a catalogue of accidents and mishaps to have affected the 90,000 seat embarrassment. Earlier this week a large steel beam fell from the roof but sadly it failed to hit any of the visiting Germans. Last year death threats were made against the workers of Multiplex, the Australian contractor allegedly in charge of the project, bringing all work on the stadium to an abrupt halt. The FA have since apologised for making the threats which it argued were justified as Multiplex had been "largely crap".
This week comb-over legend Sir Bobby Charlton visited the site with his bigger little brother, Jack, and other decrepit members of England and Germany's 1966 teams who haven't died yet.
"I'd love to play here," said the baldy old git, "but this stadium will come too late for me."
Current England star Wayne Rooney, 19, also recently visited Wembley. "I'd love to play here," said the septuagenarian loving scouser, "but this stadium will come too late for me."
24 Mar 2006 by Sir Charles Cheese-Cake
Deadbrain
