Mar 29, 2005 at 16:58 in :
Hecklerspray
It's fair to say McDonalds is in trouble. Last year alone, it's profits in Britain dropped by almost 75%, probably helped by the release of Super Size Me, telling the story of an odd man who liked to scare doctors by eating McDonalds all the time.
And Eric Schlosser's Fast Food Nation - a book even more terrifying than seeing Pat Butcher naked - has been quietly rocking the "have you read that?" circuit for years.
The burger chain has since been responding in increasing desperate ways ever since. And how does hecklerspray feel about this? Well, needless to say - we're lovin' it.
Imagine a McDonalds marketing boardroom meeting. Thirty suited executives sitting around a huge table, looking at a chart of falling profits. The Hamburgler, looking worried, asks the assembled brains "Any ideas?"
A small voice from the back coughs and says "What about Justin Timberlake going ba-ba-ba?" Hamburgler goes into fits of rapture. It is the single best idea he has ever heard in his fictional life.
In reality, the Timberlake strategy didn't halt the decline. So now McDonalds are launching their most dubious campaign yet - paying rappers to mention their company in songs.
According to Advertising Age magazine, urban stars can now potentially get between $1 and $5 every time a track mentioning McDonalds gets radio airplay. That might not seem a lot, but here's a hypothetical situation...
Jennifer Lopez got to number one in Britain with Get Right. In just one week in January in America, the song was played 2099 times. Now, if J-Lo had changed the title to Get Right To McDonald's, I Want A Fillet O Fish Extra Value Meal, she could have earned up to $10,495. In a week. That's more than enough for some specially made trousers to cover up her gigantic arse.
Obviously, this new strategy has caused a lot of anger. Consumer groups suggest that this is being aimed at children and young teenagers, a very vulnerable audience already hurt by chronic obesity.
The easiest counter to this is that you didn't see children running around drunk on cognac after hearing Busta Rhymes' Pass The Courvoisier. Well, hecklerspray did. We live in a rough neighbourhood, you see. Those kids are animals. Animals.
The truth is, hip-hop stars already promote all manner of products in songs. But usually they rap about things like expensive cars, premium vodka, diamond watches - all status symbols to boast about how successful they are.
Eating at McDonalds, we're fairly certain, has never been a reflection of success. Judging by the people who eat there, it's actually a reflection of having really shiny skin, or having three screaming kids by three different men.
