The government has a secret plan to merge Wales and Cornwall into a new entity to be known as Cornwales.
The plan is a response to the need to simplify what has become a complex system of titles for newlyweds Prince Charles and Camilla Battenberg-Saxe-Coburg-Gotha, alias Windsor. Prince Charles also has the titles Prince of Wales and Duke of Cornwall (except in Scotland, where he is the Duke of Rothesay), and a number of minor ones such as Earl Marshall of Bootle and the Wirral. Mrs Battenberg-Saxe-Coburg-Gotha is also known as the Duchess of Cornwall and the Duchess of Rothesay. Although she is also entitled to be called Princess of Wales she will not be so addressed out of respect for the previous incumbent.
The plan came to light after Douglas Ramsbottom, a Clarence House spokesman, alluded to leek-flavoured clotted cream during an off-the-record chat with our national affairs correspondent at the **** and Bull Inn. After first refusing to clarify his odd allusion, and with the benefit of another five pints inside him, Mr Ramsbottom then revealed and described the plan.
He said that with all the possible permutations of titles for the royal couple it was becoming increasingly difficult to keep track. He noted that stationery costs alone were rapidly getting out of control, as a different set was needed for every title for the royal couple individually and jointly. However, the main problem was making sure that when either of the couple signed official correspondence the correct letterhead was used.
"Imagine, for instance, how confused a Duchy of Cornwall tenant farmer would be if he got a letter from the Duke of Rothesay telling him that henceforth he could only grow organic turnips and by the way his rent was going up," he said. "We've had to take on twenty extra assistant secretaries just to handle that."
He said that Prince Charles had mounted a vigorous letter-writing campaign to Prime Minister Blair and his Cabinet extolling the virtues of merging Wales and Cornwall in the first instance, and with the Isle of Bute possibly to follow if the amalgamation were successful. Mr Blair, he said, had finally agreed on the grounds that he had things to do other than reading the incessant stream of princely correspondence.
The combined Wales and Cornwall will be called the Principality of Cornwales, and the Isle of Bute, where Rothesay is located, will also be declared a principality pending its possible full merger into Cornwales. The seat of government will be at Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch, Mr Ramsbottom said. Prince Charles and his good wife will take the titles Prince and Princess of Cornwales and Rothesay and abandon all others.
Huw Jones, mayor of Llanfair PG told our reporter that this would be a great boost to the small town on Anglesey. "At present, we have nothing whatsoever that sets us apart from anywhere else," he said.
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