| BB FANS http://www.bbfans.co.uk/ |
|
| Family pets targeted in latest Council Tax hikes http://www.bbfans.co.uk/viewtopic.php?f=52&t=20673 |
Page 1 of 1 |
| Author: | JimD [ 18 Jul 05, 21:11 ] |
| Post subject: | Family pets targeted in latest Council Tax hikes |
18 Jul 2005 Deadbrain In the latest in its series of ever-more alarming proposals to make Council Tax "fairer", the Government is set to introduce a new charge on all household pets, DeadBrain has learned. The move comes only days after Government local tax reform chief Sir Michael Lyons unveiled controversial plans whereby 18 million households could be facing an additional property owners' charge on top of what is already predicted to be a rise of 10% in Council Tax next year. The plans have sparked a predictable debate over the fairness or otherwise of homeowners paying more tax than tenants. Insiders on Sir Michael's team clearly felt his homeowners' tax didn't go far enough, however. PR expert Gregory Mullet explains: "Studies soon showed we'd have to think of something much better than that if we wanted to keep people bickering over 'who pays what' as opposed to rather more delicate questions." He reluctantly elaborated: "such as 'why is overall Council Tax so high in the first place' and even worse, 'where is all the money going'." Having already floated a bevy of proposals over discount adjustments, benefits, rebates, re-banding, home improvement uplift, extra tax on second homes and now extra tax on first homes, Mullet admitted that they "were rather running out of ideas". But the latest plans for a tax on pets, dubbed the 'Fido tax', look set to save the day. From April 2006, all domestic pets will be divided up into a series of taxation bands. "We initially proposed a Band 'B' for budgies, Band 'C' for cats, Band 'D' for dogs, and Band 'A' for 'anything else'" Mullet explains, "but that wasn't anywhere near arbitrary enough". Instead, pets will be – supposedly - categorised according to their 1991 open market valuation. "Though we then had to decide how and by whom this would assessed," Mullet added. "A few 19-year-old estate agents did the trick". A suitably long and complex list of at least 30 different discounts and exemptions should provide the press and general public with enough additional material to nit-pick over for at least a further year, Mullet predicts. "Then of course we can 'reform' those too." Studies with a pilot group of households have already shown the scheme to be an outstanding success. Dora Ramsbottom, 86, of Bootle wrote in to complain: "Why should I pay £5,620 Council Tax for my Band 'D' bungalow with 2 cats and 1 stuffed parrot when Edna next door only pays £5,225 with 1 dog and a whole pond full of piranhas? It's not fair!" Edna next door also complained, "Why shouldn't Winifred across the road pay more for her Doberman than I do for my Pekingese? Considering the amount that animal eats, it's bound to cost the Council more in recycling all the dog food tins, surely. And as for dog-mess bins - if they taxed that, she'd be paying double what I do. It's simply not fair. And she's got six garden gnomes, too." Fido, a three-year-old Doberman communicating via a Government canine translator, complained, "Why should dogs my age be liable for Council Tax when humans under 18 aren't? Look at that woman Dora across the road. Three grandchildren and they don't pay a penny. It just isn't fair. Tax the lot of 'em, I say." Moreover, Fido, who relies on unwaged voluntary sector employment of biting the postman, insists there should also be "an extra tax on working dogs", an idea which Mullet welcomed with enthusiasm for a future round of "reforms". Experts confidentially predict the so-called 'Fido tax', combined with the five-times-inflation increases which were due to take place anyway while attention was focused elsewhere, will raise enough money for at least 50,000 new spin-doctors, 5 Railtrack-style bailouts, and 2 new Millennium Domes. |
|
| Page 1 of 1 | All times are UTC + 1 hour [ DST ] |
| Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group http://www.phpbb.com/ |
|