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| No regrets for man who panic bought 40,000 litres of petrol http://www.bbfans.co.uk/viewtopic.php?f=52&t=22277 |
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| Author: | JimD [ 17 Sep 05, 16:49 ] |
| Post subject: | No regrets for man who panic bought 40,000 litres of petrol |
SATIRE From :DeadBrain 16 Sep 2005 A man who bought nearly 40,000 litres of petrol in a state of panic earlier this week has told DeadBrain that he does not regret his actions. Douglas Ramsbottom, a Bootle resident who describes himself as "well-informed" about current affairs, read newspaper stories of an apparently impending fuel shortage and rushed out to buy as much petrol as possible. "I read an article in the Daily Mail on Tuesday saying that Britain would run out of fuel within a week, so I wanted to stock up on as much as I could," he said. "I went to the bank and re-mortgaged my house, then I used the money to buy a second-hand petrol tanker and I headed off to all the local petrol stations. I managed to fill it to almost capacity – nearly 40,000 litres." Feeling satisfied, Mr Ramsbottom parked his tanker outside his house and hired a security guard to protect its valuable load. "I was expecting the price to rocket, so I didn't want to take any chances," he explained. "Unfortunately the guy I hired actually drove off with the tanker." Following an hour-long chase along the M58 to Wigan, police managed to retrieve the vehicle and return it to its owner. However, from there Mr Ramsbottom's troubles only mounted. "The police told me I couldn't leave the tanker parked on the street and the neighbours were starting to complain so I decided I'd have to transfer the fuel into other containers," he continued. "I went through everything I had in the house – vases, the bath, the toilet cistern, the kettle, suitcases... everything, but there was still a load left." "In the end I'd filled the pond in my garden, 40 water butts, over 50 jerry cans in my garage and my neighbour's window boxes while she was out. I had to sell the rest on at a discount to people down the street." Gesturing to the smouldering ruins of four houses and three cars behind him, Mr Ramsbottom admitted to our reporter that his improvised storage methods were not perfect, but he stood by his actions – even though the cost of fuel is now falling and no shortage is likely. "Obviously if I'd been able to store it better and my house hadn't blown up I would have been laughing right now. I trust the Daily Mail – the price will go up again because of the French lorry drivers and the asylum seekers being given it at a discount." Mr Ramsbottom added that, of the things that were burnt to a crisp, he was most sorry to lose his stock of curved bananas. "There's nothing like a good old bent British banana – when the new EU rules came in saying they all had to be straight I bought up as many as I could fit in my garage," he said, "although they were getting a bit rotten." |
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