DeadBrain
17 Sep 2005 by Peter Gee
Around 15,000 'suspected terrorists' were detained and taken to hundreds of police stations across the UK for questioning yesterday morning, DeadBrain can reveal. By 6pm last night most had been released without charge, but only after it had become clear that their arrests were due to an error in MI5's new anti-terror computer system.
Those detained included: pet shop owners, florists, mountaineers, hill walkers and half of the territorial army, whose intercepted emails had included words such as: Terrapins, Terracotta, Terrain and Territorial, though the vast majority tended to have home addresses that included the word 'Terrace'. In the largest police raid, over 500 British Telecom broadband complaints staff were arrested after the MI5 computer identified hundreds of emails referring to a 'terrible service'.
Doug Ramsbottom, of Acacia Terrace, Bridlington was one victim. "We got a hell of a surprise this morning, when at around 5am the front door was kicked in and about 10 coppers rushed into the house," he told DeadBrain. "I tell you what, a gun stuck up your nose sure gets you awake faster than any Goblin Teas-Made."
Chief Constable Dibble Mullet of Scotland Yard's anti-terrorism unit said: "Unfortunately, before the computer error was discovered, there was very nearly a terrible tragedy when a Mr Terrence Terrantino, the 73 year old owner of the Terrantino Restaurant on Terracotta Terrace, Teddington was tasered on sight. However, we are informed he will make a full recovery."
A statement issued by MI5 said: "We apologise and would like to reassure the public that we have now fixed this bug. This was the result of a simple typing error and the public muslim worry as we are sure this won't happen Elaine."
