GIMME FIVE
... things we'll miss now the X Factor auditions are over ...
1 OLD Ma Osbourne with her Mother Teresa act telling fellow judges Simon Cowell and Louis Walsh to stop giggling at the crap contestants. Shortly before bursting into hysterical laughter herself.
2 SIMON eyeing up all the pretty girls. Louis eyeing up all the pretty boys.
3 THE breathtakingly awful wannabes who are fat, ugly, old and utterly tone deaf. Lousy Latvian Jelene Levdanska won a singing competition in her home country. I'd hate to hear the losers! And can we ever forget screeching Kutlwano, who Cowell accurately told: "You don't sound human."
4 ALL that terrible acting from Sharon and Simon when they tried so unsuccessfully to recreate the real-life drama after the old girl was told the Osbourne mansion was on fire.
5 THE hilariously bad impressions of boring X Factor warbler Shayne Ward. Memo to all his fans: If Shayne's your hero you need to get out a bit more.
Sundaymirror
