Even poor Simon's party lacked a little somethingImagine that you have £2m to spend on your 50th birthday party. The bill for wine – or rather, as it is now known, "fine wine" – will be close to a quarter of a million. The guest list for the evening will include some of the most fascinating and attractive stars that Britain has to offer in 2009 – Jordan, Gordon Ramsay, Amanda Holden, even Ant and Dec.
Yet, even with this array of brilliance, you will need a very special moment of style and excitement for the climax of the evening. If you are Simon Cowell and it was your birthday this weekend, your choice will be two life-sized models of female ********* dancing on a stage beside two five-foot high ********* . There have been several attempts to deconstruct Cowell's now-legendary Dance of the Female ********* . Was it a playful update of the Dance of the Sugar-Plum Fairies? Could it have been a saucy verbal pun, relating to what has occasionally been said about the birthday boy himself? Was it an edgy satirical attack on Strictly Come Dancing?
There is something oddly satisfying about Britain's A-list celebrities parodying their own mindless, hedonistic silliness. At first glance, it seemed as if the only thing that was missing was a moment of heart-tugging sentimentality, but it was there all right. Guests were urged to make a donation to children's hospices. Only the appearance of a pale, dying kiddie to accept a cheque from a tearful Simon Cowell could have improved this wonderful glittering occasion.
Independent
