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The Apprentice - series three, episode four

For no apparent reason, my thoughts have suddenly turned back to that double eviction a couple of weeks ago. Does that ground-breaking Apprentice moment actually mean that there's going to be one show with No Eviction At All? Because that would be the world's worst idea.
Perhaps, instead, they will suddenly bring in a new candidate to shake things up. Maybe more than one. Maybe Jade Goody's mother and/or boyfriend again. Maybe. Well, something to ponder, anyway.

Guardian

FIRED, BUT I'VE MADE A QUANTUM LEAP


DON'T feel too sorry for Dr Sophie Khan.

The 32-year-old quantum physicist may have been fired last night by Sir Alan Sugar, but she's already landed a top job as a research scientist for the government.

The Spooks-style role involves looking out for criminals coming into the country and investigating threats to the UK.

Sophie told the Mirror: "I probably did deserve to be fired because I'm not cut out for the commercial world, and Sir Alan wants a seller. "My job now is in Wales working for the MoD. Basically, I am working against the baddies of the world, which is kind of cool.

"It might sound a bit James Bond, but I'm not surrounded by beautiful women here. In fact, there aren't many women at all."

On the show, Sophie struggled to sell lollies in a task because she "didn't believe in them". Sir Alan was unimpressed and blasted her for working in a pharmaceutical industry which sells pills to the NHS for "£500 a pop".

Sophie said: "I understand where he is coming from. But if I found a cure for cancer and made a million, I'd feel pretty good.

"I just couldn't feel good if I sold lollies for £2.50 each and made a million."

Sophie said she hoped that Lohit Kalburgi would win the job with Sir Alan. She added: "He is very kind-hearted and good at his job so I hope he does well." Mirror

APPRENTICE BOSS TELLS IT STRAIGHT
EXCLUSIVE: SOPHIE'S MORAL STANCE ON PROFIT SHOCKED ME
By Sir Alan Sugar 19/04/2007

THERE are certain expressions that are now part of the English language which could be down to me.

In the 90s while chairman of Spurs, I used the term "bung". A couple of years ago came "schmoozers". Well, here's another of my Jewish gems - a knucker.

It's difficult to translate, but here goes. A knucker is a big shot, a know-it-all who is quick to criticise but is, in fact, a non-achiever.


We are into Week Four of The Apprentice and the armchair knuckers are out in force.

I am angry with people who slag off my apprentices, saying stuff like "they couldn't organise a booze-up in a brewery".

Let me remind the knuckers my group includes a Cambridge graduate, a scientist, people with MBAs, people from Sandhurst and some streetwise cookies.

I would love to see the knuckers if I visited them with 200 quid then told them to make me some money - without gambling or doing anything illegal. I can just hear the excuses now.

People don't understand the pressure I put them under. Not only do they have to perform the task with cameras following their every move, they have to ensure the people they meet are happy to be shown on TV.

Last night was one of my favourite tasks. It's the nearest thing to what I have done all my life - design, manufacture and sell.


There was a perfect example of being over-cautious. Remember last year when the Apprentices bought too many chickens?

This time, Ghazal didn't buy enough. So much so, her team sold out. To me, this is as bad as producing too much.

The old problem of location is still there. Adam's team did not understand that if both teams are selling similar products then they need to get to the punters first.

Imagine if you were asked to buy sweets by the first team you saw, you either did or said no.

When the second team confronts you, it's like those annoying double glazing salespeople - no chance, right? Ghazal's team won but it was more by luck than judgment. They had not made enough stuff and half their team wasted time getting lollipop sticks and playing pool at the house.

But rules are rules. They made more profit and even I can't override that. I felt sorry for Adam. The guy may not have a degree but he really wants the job with me.

I didn't like the way Katie ran him down and tried to take over. In business you need troops like Adam, we can't all be brain surgeons.

He was sick he lost by just £10. If he'd spent less time frightening kids in his lion outfit and selling more lollies, his team would have won.

Natalie didn't help. Her disregard for his instructions over the labelling cost time and lost sales.

Adam deserved to win. He did all the right things but took his eye off the ball with sale and locations.

Mind you, with his lion outfit, he may have found a non-medical way of solving infant constipation!

I was shocked by Sophie's moral stance on profit. She waffled about how she could not get behind the task because she did not believe in it. I agree that's true if you are trying to con people or sell something that doesn't work.

But how naive was she? She felt if something cost 10p to make and sold for £1 then this was a rip-off. She cost Adam the task. Without this attitude, that 10 quid would easily have been made up.

She bleated on about her work - which is about selling scientific solutions for loads of money but there is nothing to touch or see.

Talk about the pot calling the kettle black. She had to go. She should stick to being a scientist, because she can't grasp business.

Natalie was lucky. She should have gone too. First for trying to lie to me and second for not following orders.

Next week I put the Apprentices in the art world. The task is to select and sell photographs. Some drift off into a dreamy world - God knows who they thought they were. I end up giving them lip.

THE KNOWLEDGE

SIR ALAN'S TIP OF THE WEEK: The art of business is to get the quantities spot on. Not too much, not too little. Know your market and get it right.

The Apprentice, 9pm, Wednesdays on BBC1, followed by The Apprentice: You're Fired on BBC 2 at 10pm. See news, interviews and highlights at http://www.bbc.co.uk/apprentice

SHELLEY-OMETER

Jim Shelley's verdict

Ghazal

SADLY, only one shot of her staring moodily out of the car window, pouting. "I'm not here to make friends," she told us.

Simon

A FAVOURITE, with chum Katie. Saved Adam's bacon by changing location from one that would've melted the chocolate.

Katie

DIDN'T say what theme she wanted. Nautical, perhaps? "Adam is a great sailor on a calm sea." Aye aye, captain!

Lohit

GAVE a masterclass in shifting lollipops. "He sold it as a magic lolly you could look through that was sparkly," Paul swooned.

Paul

STIRRED fudge and told Naomi that he was "pretty stacked"... possibly as a way of making Naomi say that she was, too.

Naomi

ONCE again came up with the idea for the product (Cheeky Monkeys chocolate lollies - ingenious, eh?).

Tre

LEARNT a harsh lesson - never barter with a man selling lolly sticks. Or be filmed offering cash to waive VAT.

Jadine

FOR once, her mantra of: "I do not speak the most," was mercifully true. Keep it up next week, love.

Kristina WHILE Tre was brainstorming (playing pool), Kristina was doing her hair. Mind you, it does need doing.

Adam

NEARLY became the first candidate to be fired for spending too much time in a lion suit. Laid-back but dozy.

Natalie

"IF I was so s*** at selling, why didn't you put me in the lion suit?" she demanded. Not a bad idea, as it goes.

mirror

POSH Apprentice star Naomi Lay is braced for the release of an explosive sex video she fears will wreck her reputation and get her fired.
NOTW

22 April 2007
APPRENTICE STAR IN SUGAR FAMILY FEUD
EXCLUSIVE TV Natalie fears tycoon will fire her when told of link to son's marriage heartbreak AMAZING RIFT VIEWERS WON'T SEE people

Alan's old hat NOTW

Wednesday 25 April 9:00pm - 10:00pm


Standout star of this series? No contest, it's Tre, the micro-bearded marketing consultant who looks like he's stepped out of a Ren & Stimpy cartoon. Something tells me Tre doesn't have the word 'humility' on an embroidered sampler over his pillow. Here are his thoughts on Darwin's theory of evolution: "I certainly haven't come from no fish!" After his latest self-proclaimed triumph, Tre reflects: "Ah, another thing to add to my list of things I can do particularly well." And don't think that's said with irony; it really isn't. This week Tre gets to show off the full range of his philistinism when the teams have to flog arty photographs and he ends up hanging pictures of lobster claws pinching women's nipples. Meanwhile Katie, the poshest of the blondes, gushes and twinkles so much you worry she might burst. Things are warming up nicely. radiotimes

Apprentice loser blasts accent 'stereotype'


Natalie criticised Adrian for perpetuating a "lame stereotype"

A housewife booted off The Apprentice has criticised Adrian Chiles, the presenter of the show's spin-off programme, for perpetuating a "lame stereotype" about Essex accents.

Natalie Wood was fired by Sir Alan Sugar after he told the mother-of-two she was "out of her depth".

The 30-year-old was hauled to the boardroom and left the BBC One show in tears after her team made the least cash while selling modern art to the public.

But the blonde criticised Adrian, who has a distinctive Brummie accent, for asking on the Apprentice spin-off show if her Essex accent held her back.

She said: "He asked me whether I felt my accent hindered me in my particular task, whether I feel that people stereotype me because of my accent.

"It's not my problem. I find the question very hard to take when Sir Alan, a multi-millionaire, is sitting opposite me with the same accent.

"It's a lame stereotype. It didn't offend me but it might offend other people that are thinking, 'What's wrong with an accent'?

"He did say he had problems with his own accent but it is playing a bit of a fine line, stereotyping someone and prejudicing people. We all know what that does. I obviously just played it down."

The sixth person to leave the show, Natalie, who has an Open University MBA in business administration and a French degree, tipped "driven" Kristina Grimes to win.

metro

NAT YOU ARE FIRED!
THE APPRENTICE EXCLUSIVE
By Sir Alan Sugar 26/04/2007



THE main challenge in all the tasks I set for the Apprentices is that I take them out of their comfort zone. That's what makes it difficult.

Last night, we entered the world of art with high-class photographs. The teams had to choose the photographers they wanted to represent, put on a show and persuade a list of art buffs to visit their exhibition and hopefully flog a few pieces.

The real art of this task was to be able to smell when you have a punter on the hook and go in for the kill. I did not ask them to become art experts. I wanted them to prove they could adapt to a new situation.
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What a load of nonsense some of them talked. Katie nearly made me put my fingers down my throat with her "Elizabeth, bring us into your world darling".

Give me strength love, who the blinking hell do you think you are? Van Gogh's great grand-daughter? Then there was Paul with, " oh that's pure eye candy"." Give it a rest, mate.

Tre was on great form. But he took a dislike to some of the art on moral grounds. Quite an interesting stance from someone who doesn't stop swearing. I have had to tell him more than once about his foul language.

Natalie made the fatal mistake of spending too much time fussing over food and not enough time on choosing her photographers.

Her next mistake was putting all her eggs in one basket by taking Elizabeth's Lips.

The photographer's only offering was lips and they were expensive. If punters did not like lips, then that was it.


Kristina, on the other hand, was very focused and led her team well. She had a good range of prices and subjects. She even tried it on with Tim, the horse man, to get him to commit to her before he saw the other team - nice try.

All in all, that's why her team won, they did a fantastic job.

After a few weeks, I start to get a feeling about people and there comes a time when I realise that some of them are not really right for my business.

Natalie is great lady, she has done well in educating herself and fought her way up. She did well to get in to the final 16 from the tens of thousands that applied.

But she had to go.

It's shame - but business is business. She had no clue on this task, lost control and I felt she was a bit out of her depth.

People make the mistake of thinking that having an MBA is the be all and end all.

But all that tells me is that they have a certain level of intelligence and can learn. It doesn't mean they can cut the mustard in the world of business.

Talk about out of their comfort zone. I've sent them off to France for next week's show to see if they can adapt to the French culture.

Whatever you do, tune in - it's a classic.

THE KNOWLEDGE

Spread your bets. If you are in a strange world where you don't have any expertise of the product or the punters, offer a range of products and prices so you at least have a half a chance of selling something.

SHELLEY-OMETER


Simon

Impressive - again. Sold paintings by dragging buyers to a cashpoint. Downside? David Brent factor: 8.

Adam

Grafted and made sales. Could still be Apprentice material.

Tre

Ali G rewrites the theory of evolution, saying of one artist, "She might have. But I certainly haven't come from no fish." Aiii!

Paul

Still too posh. "If everyone else hates these, we're going to look like a d*** in front of Sir Alan." Yes, you are.

Kristina

Led the winning team but wasn't impressive. Told Sir Alan her champions were "Paul, Naomi and me." Retch!

Ghazal

"Are you here to browse or to purchase?" she asked buyers who looked more suited to working in French Connection.

Naomi

She did very little. Although her hair still looked lovely.

Jadine

After weeks of sounding off she finally kept quiet. And silence is golden.

Katie

In Tre's words, she went "all arty-farty". instead of making any m-o-n-e-y.

Lohit

"A bit of a waste of space," said Sir Alan - which is a nice way of putting it.

FIRED

Natalie

Didn't even know where the task went wrong. Selling some pictures would have helped.

Mirror

TV Review: The Apprentice:
we're nearly halfway through and things are shaping up nicely they're making the candidates get up earlier every week. They met Surallen at Christies. Ooh! It's the art challenge, I'd forgotten.

The teams were challenged to put on a photographic exhibition - the team that sold the most would win. Kristina was in charge of Stealth; Natalie of Eclipse - neither had any knowledge of the art market. Although Posh Katie of Eclipse seemed like she might be a valuable asset for schmoozing. Off the teams went to look at the photographers they had to choose from. Oh lord, they choose these photographers on purpose - dripping shiny lips for £950 each. Mmm. Eclipse went to look: Katie buttered up lip lady, Adam asked how much her pictures were. (£950 to £1950!)

Stealth visited another photographer, whose pictures were of weird, large faux-animals lying around, looking dead (yet somehow humourous)... "This is my family album," explained the photographer before Tre's scathing attitude upset him. Classy. Kristina jumped straight in to asking about prices with the next photographer, who had some very pretty horsey pics. Nick was impressed that she asked the photographer for a commitment, but the snapper wouldn't guarantee it.

Natalie

Over at Eclipse, Simon got grumpy about how long everything was taking, with the whole team travelling together. Adam looked glum, just for a change. Ooh! Fish photos. Fish on breasts and fish on washing lines. Um... nice. You know, those lip photos are looking better all the time. Kind of kitschy... Oh dear, Natalie was terribly rude (answering the phone, saying she had no time etc) to the horse man.

Both teams chose the same photos for their exhibitions - the lips and the horses. Nick and Margaret phoned the photographers so they could choose which team to go for: Eclipse got lip lady, Stealth, horse man. Both teams then had to find someone new but that was kind of glossed over - Eclipse got some photos of Morocco, Stealth... those tasty (um...) fish.

There was in-fighting on Eclipse as Natalie's team argued with Adam. "He needs to be on a car sales lot," said Katie, "And get run over." Hoo! Is it me, or does Katie hate everyone? (Behind their backs).

Anyway! Stealth called the list of contacts one of their photographers (horse man, I think) gave them - Eclipse had no such list as lip lady wouldn't give it to them (helpful!) so went into the City to hit people up, handing out leaflets. Or trying to - no-one was really that interested. Leader Natalie took on the easier job of hanging things and trying to avoid Adam, who was sent to the basement to call contacts from their other photographer."He's just negative," Natalie said.

The unpopular member of the other team was also "Put in the basement for a reason" said Kristina, giving Tre the nipple fish to hang. He turned three of them around because he found them offensive, so that was helpful... He made up a load of bumph to tell potential buyers. "Fantastic," said one of his victims. Kristina's team went for the hard sell but Natalie's were warned by the lip lady and her husband not to go in too hard. Adam felt they'd totally lost focus on selling. But Katie wanted to give it a go - and felt only she and Lohit (where's he been hiding btw? Has he had more than a minute of screen time yet?) would be the best at it. They weren't. They sold nada.

Okay, I officially love the lip pics now: purple glitter! Cute and kitsch. The softly-softly approach of Natalie's team didn't work too well and a pushy Simon and Adam sold some pics. Ooh whatever next?!Big_treazam Well, on the other team, Tre sold some fish bits. What a night!

It was back to the boardroom to see who'd made the most money.Tre felt he'd done brilliantly. Katie knew she hadn't sold and Adam had, but still said she was better than him. But which team had won?

Eclipse sold four photos, making £1599.78 profit. Stealth sold 14 photos... making £4702. Stealth went off for a celebration in the corridor and a trip to a spa. Eclipse was in for return trip to the boardroom...

Lohit spoke some more! Katie bigged herself up. Again. She's a saint, that woman. Big Al told her she'd been too arty-farty and was in awe of lip lady. Simon said Lohit's labels were crap. Alan and Super-Margaret criticised everyone. Surallen said lip lady's pictures were too expensive and not a good bet: "You're waiting for some nutter to come in and say 'I love the lips! I wanna whole wall of lips!'" Price. Less. Bicker, bicker, bicker...

Natalie brought Adam and Lohit back in for the final showdown. Lohit because of his duff labels, Adam (who called heaps of contacts and sold two photos) for "not being punchy enough" and for being negative.They bickered some more. Alan said Adam alienates people. Adam said he'd done everything he was asked and defended himself well. People are trying to make him the scapegoat... I could almost warm to him. Bicker bicker... Nat said she was a good team player - Surallen said that judging by her CV she'd be a good executive assistant. Oooh! He told Lohit he kept being in the losing team and that Adam was always in dispute. Adam... disputed that.

The Shug shrugged, then gave Natalie the old Spanish archer. She was very good-natured about it. Back at the house, everyone thought Adam would have gone. Then he walked in the door and they clapped. Dirty turncoats.

Next week, the remaining ten candidates will be selling British food in France. Mon Dieu! Ah well, it's a free holiday innit...

PS: I'm starting to think Tre is a Borat type interloper. I hope he is... Tre quote of the week? "I'm not convinced by Darwinist theroies of evolution... I didn't come from Fish, she might have done."






tvscoop

Natalie: Eviction was my fault Sun

TV'S APPRENTICE lovers Katie Hopkins and Paul Callaghan enjoyed a wild sex session in the loft of the mansion provided by Sir Alan Sugar. NOTW

Click on link to...VIDEO VERDICT: Apprentice Natalie's take on contestants NOTW

SUGAR SNAPS AT ARTY FARTS
Kevin O'Sullivan


PRODDED into ineptaction by their tormentor-in-chief Sir Alan Sugar's sharp stick, the performing seals were hopelessly out of their depth.

Again!

Just when you think The Apprentice can't get any crueller, they pull another vicious rabbit out of the hat and subject Sugar's shower of imbeciles to unprecedented levels of hilarious humiliation.


Plunging these soulless philistines into the wonderful world of art was a diabolically inspired idea. The funniest yet.

As increasingly unattractive alpha-garnetfemale Katie Hopkins explained: "I'm not comfortable that the team understand the work they're selling." Or in her case, not selling.

Their mission was to flog pictures of lips taken by demanding snapper Elizabeth Hoff, who acted like she was the Michelangelo of photography.

"They have a comic book quality," observed one knowledgeable customer, "... very Roy Lichtenstein."

Convincing herself she was a sensitive cut above the rest of the morons, self-styled expert Katie replied: "All I know is she's really pushed the boundaries of where she's at with this stuff."

Impressive! Meanwhile, disastrous dimwit Natalie "I've got qualifications"


Wood was worried about what food to serve at the exhibition.

"I'm thinking along the lines of the crisp side of things," she garbled.

Why can't these dismal David Brent-alikes talk normally?

Later, giving numbskull Nat the third degree, Sugar was at his nasty best. "I absolutely admire what you've done," he said, "...a young mother getting your MBA, achieving this that and the other."

Disproportionately proud about passing her Open University exams, Natalie beamed smugly.

And then he destroyed her...

"To me it don't mean jack sh*t! You're fired!"

Charismatic Sugar is a sinister superstar. His brilliant boardroom bollockings deliver the best TV of the week, every week.

Attacking clever-clogs Katie for plastering the gallery with lips and failing to sell a single one, terrifying tycoon Sir Al snarled: "You're betting you find some nutter who says, 'I love the lips - I'll have the whole wall of lips. I'm buying the lot'."

Sour Sugar just keeps on getting better. And the airhead contestants just keep on getting laughably worse.

Especially joke bloke Tre Azam who didn't notice that the "arty farty" types he thought he was conning with his tragically ill-informed sales patter were all laughing at him.

After his extraordinary explanations of Linda Lieberman's fish photos triggered much giggling among the cognoscenti, without a trace of irony, pleased-with-himself Tre boasted: "Another thing to add to my list of things I can do particularly well... I am the grandmaster of bullsh*t."

And on the appalling apprentices go, blissfully unaware they're the bungling stars of the nation's favourite comedy show.

Last absurd word to car salesman Adam Hosker who, showcasing his unique motor trade approach to artistic analysis, told a potential buyer: "Quite an exciting array of features on that one."

All he needed was a tyre to kick. And to add: "Only one owner, nice little runner..." Sundaymirror

The Apprentice[/[b]b]BBC1, Wednesday 02 May 9:00pm - 10:00pm


This week, in a cracking episode, the spotlight falls on Paul. He's the posh ex-army bloke who talks through his forehead using vowel sounds scarcely heard since the 17th-century. Hearing him drawl "OK, ciao!" down the phone, you start to wonder how he survived five minutes on the streets of Basra, let alone six months. The task tonight is to sell British food in a French market, so soldier boy decides that prison bangers and a job lot of cheddar from Makro are what our Gallic cousins are crying out for. "We're going to take France by storm!" he declares, as he gets hapless Adam to cook the bangers using an old army technique involving a baked-bean tin and a naked flame. Luckily, Paul is not alone in making giant cock-ups, and at the end of a torrid boardroom session there's a priceless moment as one contender emerges wondering "I didn't get fired then, did I?" Oh, I think you'd know.

RT reviewer - David Butcher
radiotimes