Hecklerspray
Less than a fortnight in and Big Brother has already lost four housemates. Only one - Bonnie - was from a traditional Big Brother eviction, with others leaving after cheating, nervous breakdowns, and whatever reason George had for walking.
Yesterday at 1pm, enormo-lipped Big Brother divvy George decided that - after spending 13 days doing bugger all apart from gawping around like a fool and occasionally saying things like "She's a top spec bitch" - he couldn't handle the 'fame,' of being on Big Brother. That's obviously code for not wanting to spend the rest of his life dead-eying his way through personal appearances in grubby Guildford nightclubs and having strangers shout "you giganto-lipped Big Brother ****!" at him all the time.
So, with George resigned to a future of being remembered as the moron who couldn't hack living in a house for a few weeks, what chance do the other Big Brother housemates have of winning? Here's part two of our Big Brother betting odds, with betting odds coming from PaddyPower…
Imogen - Imogen, then. Still pretty and still as stupid as a bucket of snot. Imogen didn't get Mikey's (admittedly) rubbish joke about getting a 2:2 at university, and her lack of brains lost the Big Brother housemates their shower gel and toilet roll allowance for the week during that lame Meal Or No Meal Big Brother task. Despite showing glimpses of inevitable bitchiness, Imogen isn't stupid enough to have sex with groping octopoid Sezer, which is something. Until she inevitably relents to Sezer's filthy advances, sleeps with him on camera, loses her popularity, gets evicted from the Big Brother house to a barrage of boos and then sells her tragic tale of being dicked by a cocky midget to some low-rent women's magazine, that is. Current Big Brother betting odds - 28/1
Lisa - When Lisa entered the Big Brother house, she did so as a deafening, chainsmoking Chinese Manc with a bit too much excess energy and a seemingly genuine fondness for Pete - certainly the most genuine of the Big Brother relationships, anyway. But just lately, Lisa has started to turn into a crazed, possessive nutter. Whenever Pete so much as looks at any of the other Big Brother housemates, she becomes overcome by a wave of furious jealousy and clamps her fingers around his arms. This time next week, Lisa suffocates Pete with a pillow in his sleep and uses his skin to wear a freaky Pete mask to dance around a fire naked in. Current Big Brother betting odds - 25/1
Nikki - We're absolutely bewildered that Nikki is a top-flight contender to win Big Brother. People are saying that Nikki is the new Jade Goody or Chantelle, but those same people are missing one important point - Jade and Chantelle are ****! Just because she's blond and hideously stupid, Nikki seems to think she's on a short track to Big Brother success. However, Nikki's constant brain-defect voice blithering on about how she's not as rich as she wants to be is annoying the other Big Brother housemates beyond compare, and a place on the eviction list seems assured. That's when we'll see how much the public loves poor, stupid, dreadful Nikki. Current Big Brother betting odds - 20/1
Richard - For a sexual terrorist, or a suicide bummer or whatever he said that he was, Richard has spent his time on Big Brother being about as sexual as the old man from the Werther's Originals advert. He's made a few half-hearted efforts, like telling a story about throwing a man against a bathroom wall so hard during sex that he broke the tiles and mentioning that he'd like to have sex with Sezer, but they aren't really very convincing. Instead, Richard has been busy doling out fatherly advice to the other Big Brother housemates and systematically finding enemies to passive-aggressively turn the other housemates against. Will Richard win Big Brother? There's a chance. Current Big Brother betting odds - 18/1
Aisleyne - And now for the newcomer. Imagine Chantelle from Celebrity Big Brother, but with all her faux-innocence replaced by a steely - some might say pikey - Terminator attitude. That's Aisleyne. Put in the Big Brother house solely to waggle her tits about, have sex with the boys and make the girls jealous, Aisleyne's Big Brother audition tape was genuinely terrifying - like getting a furious bollocking from Pat Butcher's angry daughter. The Big Brother clique of Imogen, Grace, Mikey and Sezer already hate her so we can expect some cringeworthy Shahbaz-style bullying in the none-too-distant future. And plenty of eviction nominations. Aisleyne's Big Brother tenure depends purely on her ability to win the public over. And her Mum's probably dyslexic, judging by the way she spells her ridiculous name. Current Big Brother betting odds - 11/1
Glyn - Well, this is a turnaround. Last week, Glyn was the all-silent Big Brother housemate considered to be so pointless that he was placed up for eviction. But now, after surviving the eviction, Glyn has become one of the hot favourites to win Big Brother. We think we can pinpoint the exact moment where Glyn became a Big Brother hero - just about when Lea decided to give Glyn a lapdance. Not only did Glyn manage to last the duration of the lapdance without vomiting his guts up all over Lea's rubbish hair extensions, he was actually enough of a gentleman to muster up an erection. Anyone who is willing to go to those lengths in order to make a manky old woman feel vaguely sexy is a good chap in our book. Current Big Brother betting odds - 8/1
Sam - Sam came out of Monday's 'surprise' Big Brother housemate introduction the best but - since she was revealed alongside pouting moronic robot Aisleyne - that's not exactly a giant surprise. Sam's gender is a bit of a sticking point; she's a pre-op transsexual. More worryingly, she's a shrieking Scottish woman. Man. Woman. Oh, we're so confused. Apart from shrieking and still very obviously having a *****, it's too early to judge Sam's Big Brother stay yet. But she's a transsexual, and Big Brother viewers sure do love their transsexuals. Just ask Nadia. Current Big Brother betting odds - 8/1
Anyone else - Holy hell, the original Big Brother housemates are flaking out like the biggest ever bunch of piss-poor losers we've ever clapped eyes on. Two have walked, one has been chucked out and one has been plain-old evicted. So it's inevitable that another fleet of Big Brother housemates will be bussed in sooner or later. Purely because we think the current crop of Big Brother housemates are such complete dickwipes, we want one of the unknown new lot to win Big Brother. And so, judging by these betting odds, do you. Current Big Brother betting odds - 8/1
Pete - We thought that Pete already had everything needed to make him the winner of Big Brother. He had an endearing - and hilarious - disability, a natural charm and an intelligence that none of the other Big Brother housemates seem to be equipped with. But now Pete has something extra to push his chances of winning Big Brother even further - a creepy, crazy, obsessed potential girlfriend. The adventures of Sweary Pete and Scary Lisa look set to be a highlight of this series of Big Brother, and you wouldn't want to break them up, would you? Current Big Brother betting odds - 4/6
If he was evicted against all of them the look on his face would be priceless!