Anorak
5 May 2006
“I’M mad me,” says the Geordie as he drops his pants and auditions for a part on Big Brother 7.
After looking at 25,000 homemade videos of Geordies’ backsides, the keepers of the Big Brother flame have finally selected their men and women.
Right now 18 contestants are holed up in a secret European location dreaming of becoming famous and going on to star in their own fitness videos and panto.
And it could be you. One hundred golden tickets are to be hidden inside bars of KitKat. Send your ticket in and look on as your number is pulled from Davina McCall’s Willy Wonka-style hat.
The winner will be dropped into the contest two weeks into the show. And, as with all late arrivals, they will be universally despised, and end up wishing they had flogged the lucky ticket on ebay.
“What better dream prize is there than getting in the Big Brother house?” asks a channel 4 insider. “The producers are excited because it’s such a big risk.”
Nonsense. It cannot fail. Sure Big Brother is up against the World Cup, but when Wayne Rooney’s metatarsal shattered so did England’s hopes of winning in Germany.
It could only get better for Big Brother were Wayne Rooney to find the winning ticket. We can only hope that right now he is ploughing his way though stacks of confectionary.
Come on Wayne. You can still be the summer’s biggest TV star. Get eating...
