BB FANS

Too Much Information

Okay, let's get the easy stuff out of the way first - a quick description of what the housemates had to eat to pass the Task. Bea ate wasabi (a spicy Japanese sauce), Lisa ate pigs' eyeballs, David ate pigs' tails and Halfwit ate the dubiously dubbed "head cheese" (bits from the inside of a pig's head, apparently).

So, that's the easy bit. Now comes the bit that some of you might find a bit, erm, provocative. Halfwit and Bea managed to down their dishes without too much of a struggle... but David and Lisa had a proper challenge.

"When I burst it, all this stuff started squirting out in my mouth like a fluid," cried Lisa as she relived the horror.

"That was the hardest one. Rock and ************* roll!" shouted Siavash as he gave Lisa a huge hug.

But this just prompted more descriptive outbursts. "When I bit in they were hard and gristly and this stuff shot in my mouth and there was this other slimy green textured stuff," she explained. "And one was really gristly and I had to swallow it in a lump because I couldn't chew it."

Big Brother is feeling queasy.

"Well done Dave," said Siavash as he congratulated him on his success.

"I've never tasted owt like it in my life," gasped David.

"Was there hair on it?" Siavash foolishly asked.

David confirmed that there was some unspecified furry matter involved, grimacing: "As soon as I had it in my mouth and I was pulling it out, I started gipping."
(Gipping? We think that must be northern for retching.)

Nice image anyway...
Ch4

Bea Moan


It's a sure fire guess that when Bea and Halfwit get together, the conversation will be a pretty highbrow affair. And on this occasion, it was all about internal states and awareness.

"I'd say I was very aware of my internal states which is why I moan," explained Bea with a smile. "Marcus, do you think I moan?" she asked.

"Yes," replied Marcus in a flash.

Sensing a bit of a landslide, Bea canvassed Siavash for his opinion. "Siavash do I moan a lot?" she asked.

"I do not know," replied Siavash hesitantly as if he were being drawn into a trap.

"I said she moans more than everyone in the House put together. I was only being honest. You'd rather I was honest than talked a load of ******** wouldn't you?" commented Marcus.

"No, I'd rather you talked ********," replied Bea with a laugh. "I'm used to you talking ********! It's what we all know and love!"

"Dave, do I moan?" Bea asked as he ambled into the Bedroom.

"In your sleep?" asked David, drawing fewer laughs than expected.

"They're all saying that I moan and whinge all the time," said Bea.

"I'm a bit of a moaner myself," explained David, "so I probably wouldn't see it as much as these guys."

Now THAT is how to be a diplomat…
CH4

Jammy So-and-So

For two boys who aren't seen in the Kitchen that often, the job of making a load of jam tarts could have proved the undoing of Charlie and Marcus. But, as it was, Charlie (the Queen of Hearts) and Marcus (the Knave of Hearts) pulled off a sterling job. All they needed was Big Brother's approval.

"Would the Queen and Knave of Hearts come to the Diary Room," boomed Big Brother as the pair of them sat in the Kitchen waiting for the call. But when Marcus picked up his tray of tarts, he wasn't concentrating and a couple of them slid off.

"Aww, they would have to go face down wouldn't they," groaned Marcus as he tried to peel his jam tarts off the floor.

"You idiot!" hissed Charlie.

All was not lost though and they arrived in the Diary Room with the completed order. "We've got 60 jam tarts, four pastry cases and some gingerbread men but they're not ginger just for you," grinned Charlie.

"And we cleaned up all your junk as well," added Marcus, though Big Brother didn't quite know what Marcus was on about.

And how did they find the Task?

"It was fine. It was a bit easy," said Charlie sounding nervous.

"Who are the men for?" asked Big Brother.

"There's men and women," replied Marcus, keen to keep the sexual equality of gingerbread people at the forefront of Big Brother's mind.

"Who are the men and women for?" asked a peeved Big Brother.

"They're just for you lot, to keep you happy – I was born to make you happy," trilled Charlie.

And with that they were banished to the Living Area while Big Brother deliberated.

"I can't understand why the Queen would have to make cakes herself," said Charlie as they sat and waited.

Hmm, best not dwell on thoughts like that too much Charlie.

Guest Editor Alison says: It's nice to see blokes in the kitchen, doing some cooking, at least they’re pulling at weight at last.. ha ha! Wonder what those tarts taste like?!
CH4

I hope the pig didn't have swine flu!