......happy birthday.
....why not go to your local HMV, buy the Jade Goody fitness video,
(and if they still produce it..the Kate Lawler one
),go home,
...put "that's the way i like it", on the stereo, followed by
"Hotel California".
Then go on the web - join up, to both, Mark Owen's and Les Dennis'
fanclubs...
...after that type "big brother chickens", into
Google, and spend an informative and intriguing hour,
discovering what's happened to your favourite feathered friends.
...Drink a litre of supermarket economy cider...then try to kill
your next door neighbour with 2 fingers.
Then play that cappy game where yougo round and round in circles, with a broom, and then try to run from one end of the garden to the other,
whilst feeling dizzy.
.....read a couple of chapters of the bible, whilst urinating in the shower, and plucking afew ginger chest hairs, simultaneously.
....then and only then ,can you settle, down infront of videoed repeats
of RISE, with your own life-size effigy of Kate Lawler to keep
you company.
)
I will be old and I will freeze to death 
(deprived I know)