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 Post subject: Alternate carols
PostPosted: 09 Dec 03, 15:52 
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Posts: 5803
I know there are loads of these so just post them in here when you remember one/look on google...

To the tune of walkin in a winter wonderland

Lacy things -- the wife is missin',
Didn't ask -- her permission,
I'm wearin' her clothes,
Her silk pantyhose,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear.

In the store -- there's a teddy,
Little straps -- like spaghetti,
It holds me so tight,
Like handcuffs at night,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear.

In the office there's a guy named Melvin,
He pretends that I am Murphy Brown.

He'll say, "Are you ready?" I'll say,"Whoa, Man!"
"Let's wait until our wives are out of town!"

Later on, if you wanna,
We can dress -- like Madonna,
Put on some eyeshade,
And join the parade,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear!

Lacy things... missin',
Didn't ask... permission,
Wearin' her clothes,
Her silk pantyhose,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear.

Walkin' 'round in women's underwear,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear!


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: 09 Dec 03, 16:11 
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Posts: 5803
Christmas Carols for the Psychiatrically Challenged
---------------------------------------------------

SCHIZOPHRENIA - Do You Hear What I Hear?

MULTIPLE PERSONALITY - We Three Queens Disoriented Are.

DEMENTIA - I Think I'll Be Home For Christmas.

NARCISSISTIC - Hark The Herald Angels Sing (About Me)

MANIA - Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores
and Office and Town ...or Deck the Halls and Spare No Expense!

PARANOIA - Santa Claus is Coming To Get Me.

PERSONALITY DISORDER - You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna out,
then MAYBE I'll tell you why.

DEPRESSION - Silent anhedonia, Holy ahedonia. All is calm, All is pretty
lonely.

OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE - Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle
Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell
Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell,
Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell...

BORDERLINE PERSONALITY - Thoughts of Roasting in an Open Fire.

PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE - On the First Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me
(and then took it all away).


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 Post subject: the 12 days of Xmas Ade Stylee
PostPosted: 09 Dec 03, 16:17 
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Posts: 5803
On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival, my
potential-acquaintance-rape-survivor gave to me:

+ TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming.

+ ELEVEN pipers piping (plus the 18-member pit orchestra made up of members
in good standing of the Musicians Equity Union as called for in their union
contract even though they will not be asked to play a note...)

+ TEN melanin-deprived testosterone-poisoned scions of the patriarchal
ruling class system leaping,

+ NINE persons engaged in rhythmic self-expression,

+ EIGHT economically disadvantaged female persons stealing milk-products
from enslaved Bovine-Europeans,

+ SEVEN endangered swans swimming on protected wetlands,

+ SIX enslaved fowl-Europeans producing stolen nonhuman animal products,

+ FIVE golden symbols of culturally sanctioned enforced domestic
incarceration,

NOTE: after member of the Animal Liberation Front threatened to throw red
paint at my computer, the calling birds, French hens and partridge have been
reintroduced to their native habitat. To avoid further animal-European
enslavement, the remaining gift package has been revised.

+ FOUR hours of recorded whale songs,

+ THREE deconstructionist poets,

+ TWO Sierra Club calendars printed on recycled processed tree carcasses

+ And an Animal Rights activist chained to an old-growth pear tree.

:roll: :roll: :roll:


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: 09 Dec 03, 17:29 
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Joined: 18 Nov 03, 10:31
Posts: 4127
+ And an Animal Rights activist chained to an old-growth pear tree - heyyyy that's me that is!
You're mad JB!
::lol:: :roll:
couldn't help laughing though!
:roll: ::lol::


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: 11 Dec 03, 14:21 
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Joined: 18 Oct 02, 13:53
Posts: 5803
To the tune of Deck The Halls

See that drag queen his name's Molly.
Fa La La La La La La La La
For 50 bucks he'll make you jolly.
Fa La La La La La La La La
See him in his gay apparel.
Fa La La La La La La La La
You should meet his brother Carol.
Fa La La La La La La La La


To The Tune Of Frosty The Snowman

Frosty the cokehead was a crazed neurotic soul,
With a big glass pipe and a vial of crack,
And no sense of self control.
There must have been some poison in that last dime bag he got,
For when he took his first big hit he dropped dead on the spot.
Frosty the cokehead doesn't worry anymore,
Cuz when all is said, and your cold and dead,
Then you never have to score.

To The Tune Of Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer

Rudolph the red nosed wino,
Had a very shiny nose,
And if you got too close to him,
He would take off his clothes.
All of the other winos,
Used to laugh and call him names,
They never let poor Rudolph,
Join in any wino games.
Then one chilly Christmas Eve,
Rudolph froze to death in an alley.
End of story.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: 11 Dec 03, 18:54 
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Posts: 4127
To the tune of Deck The Halls

Deck the halls with boughs of holly
Fa La La La La La La La La
She whacked JB with her brolly
Fa La La La La La La La La
See him rub his head and fuss
Fa La La La La La La La La
Oh no! He's got a blunderbuss
Fa La La La La La La La La

hmmm never said I was a poet and it's really hard to find a weapon that rhymes with fuss!
::lol::


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: 12 Dec 03, 19:29 
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Joined: 18 Oct 02, 13:53
Posts: 5803
To the tune of Mistletoe and Wine:

DREAMING OF A SCOUSE CHRISTMAS...

Christmas time, drunkenness and crime,
Children playing - in filth and grime,
With cars on fire - and trainees under tree
Time to rejoice - in be-ing scally,

It's a time for stealing, a time for receiving,
Knock-off gear - worra great feelin
Why pay top dollar - yer can nick it for free,
Just like our lecky, - gas and TV

Christmas time, píssups all the time
Nicking ciggies, - spirits and wine
Wearing-shell-suits and Nykees - all knocked off gear
It's great getting píssed - on someone else's beer

Its a time for drinkin - six packs of Stella
Dat yer got - from some dodgy Fella
Christmas is sound - Christmas is best
God bless our Cilla - and the DHSS

Christmas time - time to joy-ride
Then go and visit - family inside
With Dad on a six stretch - and sis up the duff
This 'City of Culcher' can get pretty rough

So next time your driving - through Liverpool-city
You may just know why - the streets look so shítty
So keep a sharp eye out - for those dodgy deals
But don't drive too slow - or they'll pinch all four wheels


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