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VANESSA FELTZ on the same TV show as a fitness instructor. So how long exactly do you think it took before she started trying to hit on him?

Answer in a moment.

Until then we have Celebrity Fat Club, part of TV’s unofficial coronary season, which also includes Fat Friends, Victoria Wood’s Big Fat Documentary and anything with Eamonn Holmes.

According to the ITV commentary, Fat Club is a noble attempt to lose “40 stones of excess celebrity fat.”

. . . But as well as Vanessa there are seven other weight -watchers who, in order of actual celebrity, are: Freddie Starr, whose build now resembles his career — it’s “pear-shaped.” Frank Laslett off Footballers’ Wives.

FRIENDS say if wife Alex appears on I’m A Celebrity George Best must be put on suicide watch. So why not screen George’s Suicide Watch on ITV2? Come on ITV, you’ve done worse.