BB FANS

ESSEX EARTHQUAKE APPEAL

A major earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter scale hit in the early
hours of Monday 21st June 2004. Epicentre: Basildon, Essex. Victims
were seen wandering around aimless muttering "faaackin ell" ...

The earthquake decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of
damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from the Balearics
and Spanish Costa's were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of
historic burnt out cars
were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their giro arrived.
Essex FM (County Radio Station) reported that hundreds of residents
were confused and bewildered, still trying to come to terms with the
fact that something interesting had happened in Basildon.

One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said "It
was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my
bedroom crying.
My youngest two Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it all. I
was
still shaking when I was watching Kilroy the next morning."

Apparently though, looting, muggings and car crime did carry on as
normal.The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates
of Sunny Delight to the area to help the stricken locals.

Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found
large quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books,
jewellery from
Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundland.

HOW CAN YOU HELP?
This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing, parcels for those
unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most
sought after, items most needed include:

Fila or Burberry baseball caps
Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)
Shell suits (female)
White sport socks
Rockport boots
Any other items usually sold in Primark.
Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.
Required foodstuffs include Microwave meals Tins of baked beans, Ice
cream, Cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew.
22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms,
£2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9
£5 will pay for a packet of B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of
those affected.

**Breaking news**
Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in Claret -'where
are you bleeding from?' they asked - "ROMFORD" said the girl, "woss
that got to
do with it?"

One pair of white socks, plus slip on shoes are on their way.

ROFL!!!Will pick up some bits in poundland for the poor blighters!

I've just been out and bought some cheap bling from Ratners, will that help?

Hope you got a couple of those knuckleduster signet rings!!Deaad handy in a fight!

Nice to hear the Essex brigade are still 20 years behind everyone.

*sigh*

It's at times like this that I stop admitting I live in Essex and go back to being a South African expatriate!

Hey - Essex isn't THAT bad, although I have to admit I'm working at keeping my South African accent because I'm sure as spit not going to develop an Essex one!!

I've always wondered why my grandfather looked shocked when I told him we were going to live in Essex. He kept going on about "Essex Man and Essex Woman" and I honestly hadn't a clue what he was on about And now I know....

She comes from Essex


Sorry Shona, my humor got out of control

Shona, you're an Essex Girl by default. We luvs yer to bits.

Thanks - I think. Not sure I really want to be an "Essex girl"! Perhaps I should head down to the estate agents and get some info on moving to Scotland....

Nothing wrong with being an Essex Girl, my cousin was one for many years.........until..........she too...........moved......to Scotland