No News Is Bad News Next KO'd! story
WE all know that OK! is “first for celebrity news” because it says so on the magazine’s cover.
Is this Kerry or Brian's table?
And we all know that magazines never lie to persuade poor unsuspecting readers to part with their money with the promise of a story that is as “exclusive” as the combination to Jodie Marsh’s chastity belt.
So, when we heard the sad news of the marriage break-up of former Westlife crooner Bryan McPadding and his chesty wife Kerry, it was naturally to OK! we turned for all the details.
After all, with the magazine’s reputation for scooping its rivals and with Kerry herself as its star columnist, this was a story that could have been made for OK!
“Kerry’s tears as fairytale comes to an end”; “The kids will come first – Kerry opens her heart to OK!”; “I still love my Kerry, says Brian.”
Alas, there is nothing of this kind at all as “the feistiest columnist in showbiz” prefers to let the likes of The Streets have both her ample barrels.
In fact, only the most expert cryptologist could have detected that all was not well in McPuddingland.
Luckily, Anorak Towers is home to many such pensioned off experts, veterans many of them of the famous Bletchley Park.
And the clues are there if you know where to look.
For instance, in wishing good luck to Britney Spears on her latest trip up the aisle, the woman who “says what she likes and likes what she says” sounds a note of caution.
“I have to say that if I was them I would have waited a little longer before walking down the aisle,” says Kerry, a bride herself shortly after her 21st birthday.
Elsewhere, our top-heavy heroine complains that she doesn’t get to see as much of her husband as she would like.
“It’s great that his single made it to No.1,” she says, “but I’m a lot happier when me, Brian and the kids are all together.”
And finally there is a clue to the fact that Kerry already has ideas of how to spend her predicted £10m divorce settlement.
“I think if I had to splurge on something,” she says, “I’d go mad and buy a huge house in Warrington so I could be near my mum and all my friends.”
And a long way from her ex-husband.
Anorak
