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Stan Walks - The Aftermath
Sitting stunned after Stan's departure this morning, the Farmhands discussed his decision. And some weren't particularly impressed.

Drawing gloomy clouds over the sun-kissed Farm, Stan has given them all food for thought - with Rob tempted to follow in his footsteps. It seems not only was Stan exhausted, he had also confessed to desperately missing his children. "If you could just have a phone call - hear their voices," suggested Debbie.

Though she said she understood Stan's feelings, she didn't agree with his actions. When Ritchie hinted he'd thought about walking, Debbie was straight onto him. "You can't give in every time it gets tough," she said steely-eyed. "We're all feeling the strain but you've accepted a contract."



Meanwhile Margi was trying to cajole Rob into staying. "If you walk...all the investment you've put in goes down the drain," she reminded him. "The people will go crazy for ya...your own country will be proud of you."

Making it clear she wasn't impressed by Stan's decision, she added. "People don't like you to quit for f*** all." Though she did think he might still return: "If we can get through to him he's a vital cog in the wheel." Ritchie, however, didn't agree: "I don't think he's going come back."

Ryan and Jon were equally surprised, and think he's made a mistake. The former assured Rob, "You won't regret staying...it's another 10 days," describing the experience as "a test of character."

"Nobody said it would be an easy three weeks," he remarked. "They did to me," responded Rob seriously.

"Shall we all just go?" mumbled Ritchie. To which Margi had the perfect reply.

"They don't mind us cracking up, but they don't want to see us walking out like ten ducks."

That's the spirit Marg!

Ch5

OUTHOUSE: Rebecca
Rebecca admitted in the Outhouse that Stan's early exit has hit her hard.

All the Farmhands were saddened to see Stan go, but it seems Rebecca is particularly upset that their growing friendship has been cut short.

"I'm taking it a bit personally and I'm trying to think..." she trailed off, looking at her feet. "It's just conversations we've had. I was up speaking to him last night and it was a conversation that wasn't ended. I still have loads of things I want to say to him."

When asked exactly what it was she would like to say, Rebecca grinned and pleaded, "Don't go!"

Rebecca was shocked by Stan's decision, even though he had made threats before. "Honestly I didn't think he would, so it has come as a surprise. I'm just trying to put myself in his shoes and understand why he's left."

The fact that she had no time to say a proper goodbye was also on her mind. "It was difficult to talk to him. He didn't want to go for a walk and have a chat or anything," she sighed.

Though obviously downhearted, Rebecca resolved to rally the troops. She suggested a good pub lunch might raise their morale. We'll have to wait and see whether she gets her request.
Ch5

Evening before: Rebecca Loos tells him she really likes him.
Next morning : Stan does a runner!

*strokes chin* Hmmm!

Ananova has it that Debbie washed a horse's *****.............they are wrong. Debbie washed the horse's foreskin, she never reached his *****.
Ananova

After enjoying a sensual massage, an excitable Margi was bursting with compliments for flirty Rebecca, likening her sexual energy to "one giant orgasm".

As the pair walked out to the duck pond, Margi suddenly blurted, "You're sexual power! You make everyone feel sexy - not just the fellas!" Surprised by Margi's outburst Rebecca let out a girly giggle.

Later they shared a ciggy and contemplated their time on the Farm. "You've made it sexy and that's an important ingredient," said Margi decisively.

Rebecca had no idea what she meant and forced the Scouser to explain herself. "You're just so switched on, love!" laughed Margi.

Margi continued there was nothing wrong with having a good flirt, "as long as you're generous with it". "Which I am," added Rebecca.

Margi was so moved by Rebecca's saucy ways that she was reminded of her on-set experience of Shaft star Isaac Hayes. "Y'know him don't you? He's a bit like Barry White." Apparently Isaac was a right charmer, even with the little old cleaner. "It's a healthy flirtation which makes people feel good," the sexpert concluded.

Who needs Stan around when you've got Margi pouring on the compliments?

Ch5

REBECCA Loos pleasuring a pig on Five's The Farm was undoubtedly the grimmest moment of reality TV ever.

Even more of a turn-off than Jade Goody pleasuring Big Brother pig PJ Ellis.

Sun

Im glad I missed it

Personally i think the pig and Rebecca were a much more attractive couple!

If anyone surely Jeff should of pleasured the pig hes had a lot of practice.

Rob Bless America
The United States debate that has threatened to destroy the peace down on the Farm on so many previous occasions has once more raised its head.

No sooner had he stumbled back from the Outhouse, than flag-waving American Vanilla Ice brought up the subject once again.

"Let me ask you something," Rob AKA Vanilla addressed the Farmhands. "What is your perception of Americans over here in general?"

The can of worms was flung open as the Farmhands each tried to articulate their feelings about the special relationship between Britain and the US.



It was like feeding time in the chicken coup as the Farmhands shouted out their answers. "Loud, arrogant... everything's got to be big," reckoned Ritchie. "Generous, teenage, creative," argued Margi.

Rob swiftly moved onto presenting his point, that British and American relations are under threat from biased media presentations of the US. "I think you're being fed the wrong information to make us feel separate," he suggested.

"America views us as one and you guys see us as different countries, with different issues and opinions," he continued, frustration evident in his rising voice.

"Your perception of America is wrong," he concluded. "You guys have been fed some ill s**t".

Jeff tried his best to comfort the wailing one. "We haven't got a bad impression of your country. We're always importing your TV shows," he told the rapper.



Debbie added that English people are different from their American counterparts because they are more reserved. "American's know how to enjoy themselves," she asserted.

Leaping onto the next subject on his list, Rob clarified his political philosophy for the group. "No matter what decision the President makes, you've got to back it," he told them. "Even if you don't agree with his decision, you've just got to assume he did his homework."

And with that, Mr America got down to carving his vegetable animal.

Ch5

The Harvesters
The celebrities have been given a taste of what it is to be a Farmhand during the all-important harvest season.

Working in pairs, the Farmhands have been ordered to prepare goodies for a Harvest Festival due to commence later today.

In just two hours they must create a corn dolly, a vegetable animal, a loaf of bread and a Victoria sponge cake.

Competition is fierce and the fruits of their labour will come under the critical eye of our Harvest Festival judge later on today.

Jeff and Margi have been selected as the first to complete their cooking tasks. Rebecca will work with Ritchie, and Debbie is paired with Vanilla Ice - "which should be interesting," commented Debbie on the latter.

Team A talked tactics in the Farmyard. "We'll have to get a good rise out of the bread," Margi told Jeff in a low whisper.

The pair giggled like school kids when they realised that they could make their loaf of bread any shape they should so desire.

"It doesn't have to be a willy though does it" Jeff said seriously. "Perhaps we should write 'In God We Trust' on it instead?" he suggested virtuously.

Soon Jeff was hard at work in the yard, putting together a corn dolly, whilst Margi faffed in the kitchen exclaiming, "I just don't know what I'm doing!"

Ch5

I haven't watched one single episode of the farm. have I missed much

About 300 hours of TV coverage, so yes, you have missed loads is the answer to your question.

I haven't watched any of it either, can't say i'm sorry!

jeff & Ic T ,, bessie mates ,, go figure,, reality TV gone unreal..

Hes a crafty one that Jeff i know the game he's playing (really to young be given advice, but seems with it.) he's not as bad as i first thought mainly i think my opinion of him was because of jade, however at the end of the day the vows he took at the church were for what reason? (didn't really mean it, or just going through the motions you decide.) can someone make him a star for our sakes.

Margi is just margi met her in the 70s always genuine not changed, (in all honesty the chanting is pretty spooky.) i knew margi and that is just her she had a tremendous presence then, very grounded know what she want's.

who else have we got oh Richie does not know what musical notes are even though he was in a boy band, he really has had it easy it seems everything has come to him rather than the other way round,makes you wonder what has made him very indifferent to him.

Debbie well i have alway's felt sorry for her for some unknown reason, a very gentle spirit someone you really would like by your side but only to make you stronger, (could really get on your nerves if she liked someone you didnt, ie for endlessly sticking up for vanilla christ, nuff said.)

Rebecca loos ( i refuse too judge a person on there past especially if the media are involved.) though i hate to say it rather cunning, but has a certain charm that i can imagine most people couldnt resist (usually the male variety.) actually that's not true, if all else fails the female shall enter her domain she's more than open about this, however one to keep at arms lengh one would need to be one step ahead with this one.

vanilla ice what's that saying oh yes his bark is worse than his bite, clever man ,lazy i dont think so, he wasn't lazy in the 80-90s when the pounds signs were flashing.

the sort of man that is so sure of his looks (not to mention record's sales.) he feels he can choose what he want's but he's a man that can also manipulate so busy trying to manipulate people he's forgotten himself. The sad thing is he is getting older.

I know Stan Collymore is no longer in it but running scared comes to mind, (im not even going to guess what from.) i say this with a heavy heart but coward comes to my mind, and that really can be interpreted on many levels. a person you could not rely on being by your side if the going gets tough in my opinion.