Daisy Kay
MegaStar
We're sorry to keeping doing this, but now the Z-listers have been set free from the jungle, they're selling their stories to anyone with money.
Which means the Mirror have nabbed butler Paul Burrell, the Sun get the king Joe Pasquale and the Star focus on everyone else.
Pictured in a bubble bath with a pint of Guinness in his hand, Burrell exclaims he had "the time of my life".
But isn't he forgetting someone?
"I can't erase the magical memories of life with the princess but I feel I can move on and let go now.
"I discovered the real me in the jungle, lost the butler and dealt with some demons. Viewers saw the real Paul Burrell," he droned to the Mirror.
Meanwhile, Pasquale is pictured on a throne holding a copy of the Sun.
Sat on a toilet, they didn't even give the poor man time to shave.
"I love my wife dearly, but I'm in a lot of pain. That's what happens when you get a rat shoved down your pants," he exclaimed.
And that's about the jist of it.
Oh, except we also learn that Burrell has a dragon tattoo on his bum.
Roll on next year.
