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The only reality TV show in existence that is TOO crap for me to watch!

Celebrity reality show The Farm is about to return to the screen.

The show will see ten celebrities work on a farm for up to 18 days.

Emma Noble, former wife of James Major, blonde model Emma B, and porn star Ron Jeremy are all tipped to be taking part in this series.

Entertainer Lionel Blair is also rumoured to be about to leave city life behind for the show, which has previously featured the likes of Rebecca Loos and Paul Daniels.

How Not To Decorate stars Colin McAllister and Justin Ryan are presenting this series.

They said it promised to feature a number of eye-opening scenes about rural life.

Wouldn't be the first time shes pleasured a pig

TV channel Five's reality show The Farm has been criticised by the RSPCA, which said it could cause "distress and suffering to the animals" involved.
The show, which began on Monday, sees 10 celebrities experience the "harsh realities" of life on a farm.

"This is not reality TV, it is shabby TV, and it is irresponsible," Dr Julia Wrathall, head of the RSPCA's farm animals department, said.

Five said livestock would be treated with "the utmost care and compassion".

The channel said it had consulted with the Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs during the first series and no concerns had been raised.

But Dr Wrathall said: "The farming procedures are being undertaken by people who have minimum knowledge and training, and with entertainment rather than the animals' well-being as the primary objective."

Among the celebrities taking part in the second series are Keith Harris and his puppet Orville, actress Charlene Tilton, who played Lucy Ewing in Dallas, and porn star Ron Jeremy.

Entertainer Lionel Blair, model Emma B and hip-hop star Flavor Flav have also begun life on the working farm, with the show hosted by design duo Colin McAllister and Justin Ryan.

BLABBERMOUTH Dave Morgan arrived for filming of last night’s episode of The Farm ready to stir up more tittle-tattle about ex-fiancée Jessie Wallace.

The trainee firefighter, 29, who sold secrets to a newspaper, is now getting £50,000 from Five to appear in the show and rat on his life with EastEnder Jessie, 33.

Morgan was snapped on his way to the Five reality show in Wiltshire, where Rebecca Loos shocked the nation last year by pleasuring a pig.

He was sporting a leather motorbike jacket bought for him by Jessie — who branded her ex an “evil parasite”.

An show insider added: “He is willing to spill his guts and that’s the only reason he’s in.”

Meanwhile Jessie is claiming custody of their six-month-old daughter.

REALITY show The Farm revealed its bizarre roll-call of contestants last night - led by the puppet Orville.

Dancer Lionel Blair, a rapper, a Dallas actress and two porn stars will be mucking out alongside the nappy-wearing green duck.

And show bosses insisted it was Orville, who had a hit with I Wish I Could Fly, who gets top billing - not his ventriloquist Keith Harris.

Channel Five have even splashed out £1000 making the puppet a special bed for the programme, which is gearing up to be the strangest yet. Other Z-list celebrities donning their wellies include Dave Morgan, ex-fiance of EastEnder Jessie Wallace, John Major's former daughter-in-law Emma Noble, DJ Emma B, Public Enemy's Flavor Flav and Phixx boy band member Mikey Green.

Porn stars Cicciolina and Ron Jeremy and Dallas star Charlene Tilton, who was known as the 'Poisoned Dwarf' in the 1980s show, complete the line-up.

Scots presenters Colin McAllister and Justin Ryan will host the show, which kicked off last nightThe winner will bag £50,000 and the chance to revive their career.

And racy Cicciolina looks likely to grab as many headlines as last year's participant Rebecca Loos.

Cicciolina, real name Ilona Staller, proposed sleeping with dictator Saddam Hussein in 1990 and 2002 to achieve peace in the Middle East.

She loves to expose her breasts, once saying: 'My breasts have never done anyone any harm, while bin Laden's war has caused thousands of victimsFive's controller of features and entertainment Ben Frow said: 'This line-up has something for everyone.

'We're delighted to be offering such a diverse mix of people and it will be intriguing to see how they cope with the trials of farming life over the coming weeks.'

Show bosses are adamant viewers will be voting for Orville, with Keith just there to give a helping hand.

Ben added: 'You will have to see how they deal with Orville doing the tasks. He could be plucked himself if the contestants get hungry.'

Last year's show was won by Big Brother star Jade Goody's ex, Jeff Brazier, who is appearing on ITV1's Celebrity Wrestling as the Pocket Rocket.

But it was the antics of Loos, who claimed to have had an affair with David Beckham, and the verbal spat between Vanilla Ice and Paul Daniels that viewers most remember.

The celebrity farmhands will face the harsh realities of life on the farm under the expert guidance of vet Jon Huxley, farmer Ryan Hooper and his brother, Jason.

The farmhands will have to contend with the daily routine of mucking out and feeding the animals.

But they'll also have to pass group tasks in order to win treats, be completely self-sufficient and vote for the farmhand they want to put to the public vote for elimination