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Nomination Trepidation


The Farm Management has announced that nominations will take place later today. And the news has sent Farmhands into a bit of a flutter.

Everyone gathered in the Farmyard where Mikey read out a memo outlining how the nominations process will take place. Each Farmhand must select the one person that they want to leave the Farmhouse and a full explanation for their choice will also be required.

The team seem united at the moment, but this first round of nominations promises to reveal any petty rivalries, jealousies, and anxieties bubbling beneath the surface.

The Farmhands thought they had found a sneaky way to avoid nominating each other. “Can we nominate Orville?” asked Ron.

Unfortunately Keith and Orville come as a couple, though the human half of this duo is well aware who’s the boss. “They decided we’d come as a pair,” Keith explained. “Otherwise Orville could win the damn thing, and then he’d sack me,” he said with a long suffering sigh.

It is against the rules of The Farm for Farmhands to discuss nominations, so the team quickly dispersed and found other activities to concentrate on. Flavor returned to his bed and Lionel got on with some bread-making. The cheery baker tried to lighten the atmosphere by insisting that, “We’re all winners really!”

Quite right Lionel, but would you want to be the first Farmhand to leave?
http://www.five.tv/programmes/thefarm/]Five[url=[/url]

Load of bollocks
So here's Five reality show The Farm's dishy farmer Ryan, waxing lyrical about one of the inhabitants of his Wiltshire property: "Nick has testicles and so he can be quite unpredictable. He looks gormless - mind you, you'd look like that if you had sex a lot." Five has asked Monkey to point out that farmer Ryan was referring to his boar, Nick, and not the channel's PR man, Nick Dear, who is skillfully masterminding press coverage for the show from a farmyard Portakabin. mediaguardian

Ooooohh..isn't Farmer Ryan GORGEOUS!!!!Makes me wish I'd carried on my summer job as a lass working my Aunt's farm!

He could do the show on his own as far as I'm concerened....

One good reason to watch the show.Don't you think he looks like a young George Clooney??How come none of the farmers I met never looked like that?Life could have been so different........

Keith Harris and his bird look very happy.

is that what they mean by the saying "doing bird"

anyways, seems like he sold himself out cheep

yuk

The Farm: Charlene pleasures Nick the Boar!


Charlene claimed she would never have sex again after taking a hands-on role in helping Nick the Boar get his oats.

One cruel Farmhand suggested no one would want to have sex with her after seeing her manhandle the pig’s panhandle.

As Nick mounted his piggy love, Farmer Ryan ordered Charlene to take matters into her own hands and help the porker see the pie.

femalefirst

he Farm: Ron and Cicciolina's Naked Ambition


Ron has taken Cicciolina under his bingo-winged arm to advise her how to survive the reality TV jungle. And his advice? Get naked!

The cuddly stud told Cicciolina that if she wanted to win the show she should “walk around naked all day long”. He did admit that if he tried a similar tactic, he’d be leaving pretty sharpish.

The porn princess seemed to be considering his advice as Ron warmed to the theme, telling her how much Brits and Americans love “boobies”. He even gave her a brief language lesson in which she expanded her English vocabulary to include boobies. femalefirst

The Farm: Emma Noble fancies Farmer Ryan

It’s official: Emma Noble fancies Farmer Ryan. The sexy singleton has been asking about the fit farmer’s marital status.

“She fancies Ryan!” Emma B squealed as the two ladies sat in the Outhouse. Emma B blurted out her friend’s secret as the two blondes giggled about boys. “I know who would be your type,” she laughed.

Emma N blushed as her crush was revealed. “I do think he’s rather handsome,” she admitted. Cutting straight to the chase she then asked “Is he married?” femalefirst

The Farm: Winners of the calendar competition


Farmer Ryan delivered the Farmhands’ calendar in record time to the delighted ‘models’ this evening, and also announced the winners of the calendar competition.

The winners were:

Mikey: “For taking so long to oil his body.”
Lionel: “For his enthusiasm, his artistic pose, and the best thrust in the West.”
Charlene: “Because nobody else could eat a marshmallow like that, in a fur coat, by a lake.”
Keith: “A) for taking his kit off and B) for champing at the bit to do so.”
And finally, Emma, whose pose was said to have increased the value of straw tenfold.
The five lucky Farmhands won a prize for their efforts – an Indian takeaway dinner, though Mikey was concerned that, as they were “in the middle of nowhere”, it would be cold by the time it arrived.femalefirst

Cicciolina, the first celebrity to face publice vote




JESSIE Wallace’s ex-fiancé Dave Morgan says he wants the sexy EastEnders star back.

The policeman turned fireman made the confession on channel Five reality TV show The Farm today.

The pair, who have a six-month old daughter, Tallulah, split last month.

Dave told fellow contestants: “I still love her and stuff you know. I’d go back tomorrow if she said go back”.

He added: “If you hate someone it’s easier to get over... but I don’t hate her at all.”

Meanwhile, Emma Noble, former wife of James Major, and model Emma B, took a shower together on the show - but kept their bikinis on.

Cicciolina, a Hungarian-born porn star who became a member of the Italian parliament, and actress Charlene Tilton have become the first celebrities to face the public vote.

Cicciolina was nominated by her fellow contestants, and she chose Tilton, who played scheming Lucy Ewing in hit show Dallas, to join her.

The contestants - who also include Keith Harris and his puppet Orville, entertainer Lionel Blair, porn star Ron Jeremy, hip-hop favourite Flavor Flav, and Mikey Green, part of the boyband Phixx -are producing a charity calendar.
Sun

Farmer Ryan's still the best thing about this show

DailyRecord