Celebrity Love Island
Given that our Fijian hideaway is ram-packed full of megastars, it’s sometimes difficult to remember who they actually all are.
So as our love-hungry liggers set forth on a voyage of free accommodation and five-star relaxation on a tropical island, we thought it was a timely moment to reflect on their early form.
The girls wafted on to the beach like a breath of stale strawberry daiquiri, and promptly set about thoroughly embedding themselves by the pool.
Although Jayne Middlemiss found the first 24-hours tough, comparing it to her time at brownie camp (it wasn’t like that in our day), she did seem to set her sites on the handy ball-skills of Lee Sharpe.
Meanwhile, Lady Issy had every single man salivating as she unsheathed a stomach that Fran declared was ripe for frying eggs on. Paul promptly readied his cooking utensils before realising that he didn’t have any olive oil.
And Judi was, well, she was there. We didn’t see much of Judi (well, technically, that’s a lie – we got quite an eyeful), but the feisty fillie certainly wolf-whistled a merry tune. And what can we say about Abi and Rebecca? Loos had Calum salivating in her skimpy black number, Abi simply salivated over Calum. But Abi managed to put her quite insane jealousy behind her, and so lumbered around the pool thrusting out her quite ample chest.
Arriving in style, our chaps strolled on to the beach brandishing little more than a jet-ski.
All except for the non-swimming Michael Greco, who’ll be a tad stuck if you guys decide not to vote him off our Fijian paradise. During the day, he wowed the ladies with a spot of yoga, before spending some time imitating a monkey. Nice.
Fran and Calum had a less than auspicious start. Calum spent much of the day swatting off Abi and ogling Rebecca, while Fran simply managed to peeve Issy, Abi and anyone else who’d talk to him with his tales of rampant nookie.
But our two bumptious bounders paled into insignificance when compared to Paul Danan. The undoubted star of the show thus-far, Danan wowed us with his break-dancing / falling, his profound wisdom and his incredible panda-eyes.
And while Paul had the ladies positively mothering him, Du’aine left them gurgling in delight as Rebecca slathered the Olympian in sun-tan lotion.
So there you have it. What will the future hold for our lusty lotharios and loved-up ladies? Well, that’s quite simply for you to decide, people!
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