realityreel
Date: Sep 02, 2005 - 01:23 PM
So... Busto got her HOH room, where there was a picture of her hubby Matthew and their "child," i.e.; the dog Pepperoni; and life is good. For James, however, it was the continuance of a "summer of hell" where his long drought from winning the HOH crown lumbered-on unabated. As did Howie's rather miniscule efforts in securing it for himself (and his lone-remaining acolyte) once again — getting knocked-out from the HOH Competition in the first round. This would change soon enough (thank God) but for now Janelle remained the only stiff competitor — as has become her way; her ambiance of wit and will — drawing down with April in the final "tie-breaker" round and missing victory by the happenstance of the quick stab at a jumble of numbers on a poster board.
By David W. Taylor (Email Me)
Reality Reel Media
09.02.05
For their part, HOH April and her hens (with Eric sending remote sensory commands from Vegas) continued their delusional obstinacy in the Big Brother House, which soon extended far beyond Eric's feeble tentacles and into the Realm of the Almighty. It was April winning her first HOH role and defining it as "prayers" that were listened to, mulled over, and ultimately granted... all the way over to Ivette, Maggie and April — and to a lesser, possibly strategically motivated extent, James — who all crumbled under their own pathos when Janelle won the America's Choice Phone Call reward.
But let's start with April who won HOH and immediately placed her upward trajectory as a Sign from God and that "my prayers have been answered" and soon knuckled under to deliver additional dripping sentiment: "Thank you Lord. Thank you so much God..." This hysteria only further insulating these Eric-The-Fireman apparartchiks from the outside world and thus reinforcing themselves psychologically into their preferred, persecuted cult-like status. Surely it is so! That God is now sitting in Heaven making sure April scratched the correct numbers on her poster board — while a hellish Hurricane cleaned out humanity from the Gulf Coast or our U.S. Soldiers are dying overseas...
Yet, in a strange transformation, April quickly succumbs to the earthly flesh and warms eventually to take full-credit for her HOH win — as much a flip-flop con as her irksome clone, Jennifer. I suppose once the flush of victory subsides, the ego takes over and God fades into the smog. This was really a personal waterloo of sorts, of course!; a surge of April's human will... remaining dormant and untapped for weeks, her intestinal fortitude finally sprang forth like a magic fountain. After her profs to God, April was soon offering this pedestrian explanation: "Just to prove to Howie, and James — I know he thinks I can't win crap. And just to my, you know, even the friendship and stuff, that, when I really want somethin' I definitely get it." Hmm.
It's an interesting switcheroo: before last week April couldn't win anything. Now that cast numbers are dwindling into a handful, she won HOH because God stepped in and, well, Hallelujah! But since savoring the sweet heady elixir of an HOH tenure she's decides it was, in all seriousness, a personal blitz to show a thing or two to her fellow House guests; to show her own "friendship" that April can "really want something" and then "definitely get it." That's a huge jump. The logical rewind on this is that all her past losses must have been the result of her not "really" wanting to win them. One can only be impressed with how all-powerful April really is.
But this was nothing when compared to the high-heaven stink that boiled within the Nerd Herd (and James) when confronted with Janelle's quirk in snagging Big Brother prizes. Soon Bible verse was being quoted; the word "evil" was being considered; Big Brother was thought to be corrupt; America was thought insane; and there was lots of boo-hooing. It just proves what clear-headed, objective, fair-minded good sports these Eric-The-Fireman zombies really are.
A PB & J Pass and then a 42-inch plasma television and then a Travelocity vacation to the Bahamas. Janelle won them all. Ivette stated, "As long as Janelle's in this house nobody else is going to win a prize." Of course, if she had been listening to April a few hours before she would have known that if April had "really wanted" that vacation she would "definitely get it." I guess Ivette should have convinced April to "get it."
So, a few weeks ago America voted Kaysar back into the Big Brother 6 game with a crushing, head-butting 82% landslide vote. America to Nerd Herd: We Don't Like You. The Nerd Herd's spiritual moloch — their troll-like Rasputin — Eric-The-Fireman — was embarrassingly turned away at the steps of the BB House with such disdain and contempt (this, in turn, reflecting upon his entire gang) that his approval votes barely reached into the double digits. You would've thought this huge message might have reached into the Nerd Herd's synapses and turned-on a few light bulbs (even if they weren't aware of the actual vote totals) but, alas, apparently no such luck. A second America's Choice was about to hit them like bad acid.
The America's Choice cell-phone activates and Janelle gets a hello from Michael. April freezes in horror. Ivette melts into a glum funk... she was all set to snuggle with her lesbian lover (later she says she just wanted to talk to her "mom"). Maggie looks like she just swallowed a Pepperoni: "I think almost everyone's voting for Ivette to get it..." she earlier croaked. Hello. Kaysar won America's Choice... Janelle was Kaysar's second partner... Eric was sent on a shuttle back to Nevada. Your big cheese was sent packing! Remember?! And, THEY STILL DON'T GET IT!
Ivette storms up to the HOH room and collapses into a sobbing jag. Maggie soon follows. She kneels down and pets Ivette like she just lost her family to an axe-murderer. "Ivette, I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry," she coos. "I hate her. I hate her," groans Ivette. "Ivette's feelings are really, really hurt right now," yaps Maggie. "How could America pick Janelle to get a phone call from someone that she knew for two weeks versus her get a phone call from someone she's in love with..." Gee, let's see... she's a Cappy zombie?
April soon marches in and joins the Support Group for the Phone-less. Maggie starts blabbering about how Janelle picked Michael over "her own mom" (egads!) and April sighs, "Uh um... Uh um! That's sad." Ivette's still weeping into a pillow. "Well, that says a lot about her...," sniffs Maggie. "I choose someone I've known for two weeks over my own mother!" Quick! Call the Spinster's Temperance Auxiliary. Run for the hills!
The reality may have finally seeped-in and began staring them in the face. Let's see... 1) Kaysar Back In, 2) Janelle Wins Phone Call... Hmm. America hates US? It's either facing this monster or going delusional. "There's no way America picked Janelle," says a befuddled Maggie. April: "There's no way America liked Michael... and there's no way America picked Janelle... We don't believe it!... No. There's no way that could have happened. There's just no way!" On and on it goes! "I'm married. I am a newlywed. I have a husband... and you're going to tell me that America picked someone who knew each other for two weeks...?" Tears, tissues, disbelief! MY BRAIN HURTS!
"The house guests are missing their loved ones and your going to friggin' get Michael to call Janelle? I mean that's just crazy. That's stupid!... You know what, if America did honestly pick her... the fans that watch this show are all pieces of ****. Bottom line." Whoa. April is NOT getting a Christmas card from me...
Fence-straddler James strolls in and like a great Shakespearean thespian starts commiserating along with his "Girl Scouts" and takes a few gentle taps at Ivette's heaving torso. He serenely speaks of a Bible verse in Ecclesiastes that tells a tale of "He seen the wicked get all the rewards of the righteous and the righteous suffer like the wicked should." And all the Eric-hens jump up and down and cluck the big cluck: "You know, it's proven in this house that evil will prevail," howls Ivette. April, apparently still undrained from calling millions of people "pieces of ****," concurs but with a bristling footnote, "I feel that we've got a lot of evil out of this house." The church service is over. The wrath unleashed. Janelle's phone call from Michael goes down as an unfathomable sin.
But, verily, April is a special case. She cursed us all, and Janelle, because Janelle was awarded a phone call which was used to talk with an ex-Big Brother 6 cast member whom she'd cultivated a love affair over a two week period. Funny, really... when Julie Chen asked April, during a (supposedly) viewer initiated question segment, "What is the one thing you wish you had brought into the BB house from the outside world?" April responded in this way: "Oooo, um... uh, My PEPPERONI! My doggie!" Julie Chen then joked, "Not Matt, your husband?" April momentarily became unglued and began looping herself: "Yeah, him too, him too... I want both. I want both. They're both the men in my life. They're both the men in my life, so..." Odd. Maggie nor Ivette became rigid with contempt. No sobs. No shouts of "evil!" I guess Janelle choosing a paramour over a non-existent husband (or a mother) is one thing, but April choosing her "doggie" over a very alive husband is something else altogether.
So... then... James got voted out. And Howie reaches down deep and somehow snatches HOH from Beau by one point. "They stuck a fork in me and said I was done!" Incredible. He does it just as Janelle's lucky streak seems to be waning... and, again, thank God. Howie seemed to be guiding those balls down that plank by inner radar, closing his eyes as he set each ball into a smooth spin. After his fingers let loose and the balls slipped away, Howie bowed his head to the ground, sightless — he was doing the Jedi Knight thing. It worked out well. Better than I expected or wished for. Howie allowed the chance of redemption on behalf of Kaysar and his troupe to be nosed-along an inch closer to realization. I doubt it will happen... but it's a solid 'maybe' as things have currently hatched.
We were then afforded a distasteful peek at the gutless liar, Jennifer, holed up in some vineyard sequester retreat in an area that reeks Napa Valley. Rachel soon joins her and after a short tour of the house and the grounds, Rachel pulls out her secreted videotape and the two sit down for a televised rehash of Rachel's demise. Jennifer's stepford-wife perpetual grin is eerie and as cold as a dead fish... and she says things like, "This looks so fun and colorful, I love it... it's like a real television show." Robot?
As the video whirs on and Rachel's reign begins its slow drip into doom, Jennifer has the grace and tact to continue to rah-rah her Herd in front of someone who was just sacked by them. Jennifer gleefully chants unctuous swill throughout, only further showboating her reptilian character: "Good job team. It's all coming together now... April, miss you... I love my group." Good job team??! Yuk!
I thought it was rude to have Howie make on-the-spot nominations while Janelle was given the benefit of a commercial break during her "Double Eviction" HOH run. But Howie made the right choices though he seemed a bit too accommodating with Maggie, Ivette and Beau — "Do... one of you have recommendations? You.. Oh, man..." — while mulling over his "hard" choices. He should've been eyeing Janelle, knowingly, with a victorious whoop. But, that's Howie. Let's hope he's steady as concrete this time.
I'm sure CBS could've found a way to give Howie a few more minutes to contemplate his moves. Julie Chen didn't spare us from another batch of innocuous, banal questions ("Maggie... What have you been doing to lose weight?") supposedly gleaned from CBS.com and filtered through Julie's drab, softball interview technique. We didn't learn anything much... and learned nothing of what we should...
Julie Chen, to earn her fat Big Brother paycheck, should have asked some really dicey, probbing questions. Like asking Maggie, Ivette, April and Beau what they collectively think about the first America's Choice being won by Kaysar — by 82% — and the second America's Choice being won by Janelle. Does this tell you guys anything? I... I need an answer...
Or, then, asking April and Maggie if they still believe CBS and Big Brother corrupted the America's Choice polling. Or asking April if she might be bothered by calling millions of Big Brother viewers "pieces of ****." Now that would be a question! I wonder why all that bloviating and caterwauling about Janelle's America's Choice Phone Call from Michael on the previous show was all glossed over. Like it never happened. Like we were never called "pieces of ****" by April of the Eric-The-Fireman Jim Jones Kool-Aid Cult. What gives? Is Julie Chen, gulp, one of them?