deadbrain
6 Sep 2005 by Malcolm Drury
US President "Boy" George W. Bush today moved to distance himself from growing criticism of his administration's response - or, rather, lack of it - to last week's hurricane disaster by extending his war against terror to include al Katrina.
Speaking in Baton Rouge, Mr Bush, dressed in a military camouflage suit and what appeared to be a World War One flying helmet, pledged to hunt down al Katrina and all similar terrorist organisations.
"I will not rest until we have won the war on terror and al Katrina, al Qaeda and al Iranistan have been rounded up once and for all and execrated," he said. "These evil-doers hate freedom and they want to destroy America. Well, I say to them: bring it on!"
Mr Bush spoke from inside a bullet-proof tank and was flanked by what appeared to be an unusually high number of secret service guards. White House spokesperson Mildred K. Ramsbottom denied that the unprecedented security was in response to the threat by Mary Landrieu, Democratic Senator from Louisiana, to punch the president for blaming local officials for the botched relief effort.
"It was simply a sensible precaution," she explained. "We just wanted to be sure that if the floodwaters came back unexpectedly the president would be safe. So the tank was waterproof and designed to float, and what seemed to be the security agents were, in fact, mostly experienced divers."
"Besides," she added, "the president knows how to defend himself against Democrats."
Apparently unaware of the irony that defence expenditure in the US is already well over bn a day and is predicted to equal that of the rest of the world combined by 2006, Mr Bush took the opportunity to thank all those countries that had offered aid. "This is gonna cost a bundle to fix," he said, "and we need all the help we can get."
Mr Bush also announced that Vice President Dick "Head" Cheney, is to tour the devastated area. Mr Cheney has not been seen for several days. However, Ms Ramsbottom said that there was no truth to a rumour that when the hurricane made landfall the Vice President had been whisked to a secret, secure location. "The VP was there already," he said. "He lives there most of the time nowadays."
Show it who's boss hey George? 