deadbrain
15 Sep 2005 by Peter Gee
UN forces from over 70 countries invaded the UK yesterday, within twenty four hours of Tony Blair's UN speech in which he had said "it was now widely recognised the UN could intervene when nations failed their own people".
By midnight, a UN invasion force which had landed near Weston-Super-Mare early yesterday morning had travelled only 15 miles to Bristol. UN progress seems to have been severely hindered by a combination of British tactics including: confusing railway timetables, traffic jams, speed cameras, high fuel costs and daytime television. It was also reported that John Prescott had been deployed on the northbound M5 blocking all three carriageways.
"Things aren't all going the UN's way," DeadBrain war correspondent Greg Mullet reports from the frontline. "UN aircraft sent out to bomb Britain's industrial and manufacturing infrastructure had to return after running low on fuel having searched for targets for hours without success. There was additional UN confusion as to which targets had been 'taken out' due to the number of existing potholes and road works across the road network, and the state of the railways."
UN Secretary-General Kofi Annan justified the invasion at a press conference in New York. "As Mr Blair himself has said, it is only right that we rid the world of these dictatorships. These poor people have much in common with the people of Iraq: a government in full control of the country with only 22% of the vote, a government that ignores human rights and civil liberties legislation, and a government that invades other countries against the will of its people," he said.
"We are just following Mr Blair's own advice, and if he and President Bush can invade Iraq without a resolution, then that's good enough for me. We bring democracy!"
Brigadier General Ramsbottom Mainwaring, speaking in Iraq, said: "Due to various commitments it will probably be a few weeks before the army can return to deal with the invasion, but it is 'a high priority' on our list."
Reports that British Customs officials did not realise there was an invasion, and saw nothing unusual in 200,000 people arriving from foreign countries in one day, have yet to be confirmed.
Meanwhile, three hundred British patriots who turned up to fight against the invading forces were arrested under Bristol's anti-social behaviour bylaws and, ironically, under the British-proposed UN definition of terrorism.
