People are so elitist these days. It's always "ooh, I only watch films with subtitles" or "ooh, I don't abbreviate my text messages" or "ooh, I don't have a shrine to Fearne Cotton which I sit underneath ********** in my own filth."
The same sort of people who claim that they won't be watching Big Brother 7.
Liars.
Starting it's million-week run this Thursday, hecklerspray guarantees that you'll be hooked on Big Brother 7 from the opening minute, the freak-infested Big Brother house holding you in a tangled web of guilty grim fascination.
So - before it all kicks off - we thought we'd take a look at the upcoming series and make a few 'in-the-know' predictions about what Big Brother 7 might hold in store:
- Coming from Essex now mandatory for all contestants
- Late night Big Brother chatter to revolve around the poetry of Rimbaud, extremist existential philosophy, and which of the girls has the biggest breasty-weasts beneath her tight pink top
- Electrical supply to house powered entirely by Dermot O' Leary's sense of self-satisfaction
- Amusing Big Brother 'holocaust' week will engage contestants in all sorts of concentration-camp-themed roleplay
- Assortment of knives readily available for some reason
- Audience at Big Brother eviction nights now legally required to be better-looking
- Button to be pressed every 108 minutes, otherwise something really, really bad happens (that had better be explained soon before everybody gives up and stops watching)
- Extensive in-house book library will not be used much
- Big Brother Contestants to be constantly reminded of chilling pointlessness of existence via endless replaying of Joy Division's Atmosphere
- Big Brother Contestants will be stupid
May 18th, people.
Clear your schedules.
Don't forget that hecklerspray will be with you every day bringing you the very latest in Big Brother betting. Every day. Every pissing day. Until the end of arseing time.
Hecklerspray
