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The Big Brother housemates have waded through their first weekend in the Big Brother house. Can't work out who's who yet? Good job we've got these Big Brother betting odds for you, then.

The first weekend of any Big Brother is usually characterised by a kind of manic, formless squawking where each of the Big Brother housemates tries to impose their personality over everyone else at the cost of any kind of cohesive storyline. And, seriously, what's all this Big Brotherhood arse about?

So, amid all the frantic Big Brother babbling, who is emerging as a potential Big Brother winner? God knows one of them has to. Here's the first half of this week's betting odds to win Big Brother, with help from PaddyPower…

Lea - Lea, the frightening-looking woman with too much plastic surgery, hasn't really made too much of an impression on Big Brother since she entered the Big Brother house to a cavalcade of booing and public slagging. She's apparently got the largest breasts in the UK - something which must fill her 11-year-old son with pride. She's doing Big Brother for him, you know. Longest odds of any contestant, but the way she's quick to mother the younger housemates might mean that Lea will on here for a while. Current Big Brother betting odds - 33/1

Bonnie - Bonnie - or as her name is correctly pronounced, Bonnerrrrgh - took a lot of stick on opening night for being a dislikable chav with dodgy make-up who isn't as pretty as she thinks. And she's completely fulfilling the role - she's already been crying because she doesn't think she's as popular as the other Big Brother housemates. Which she isn't. Current Big Brother betting odds - 33/1

Shahbaz - Shahbaz already has his Big Brother role: the really really really flipping annoying one. Everything Shahbaz does can be boiled down to a) shrieking "I'm so brilliant" in an annoying way or b) shrieking "love me! Why won't you love me?" in an annoying way. Normally, we'd say Shahbaz would be first out of Big Brother, but he's in this Big Brotherhood thing, so he'll be on our TV for a few more weeks. More's the pity. Current Big Brother betting odds - 28/1

Glyn - Glyn is the quiet one. Sometimes on Big Brother, you have to watch the quiet ones because they usually have a gameplan and stick it out until the Big Brother final. But we think Glyn is being quiet because he is absolutely devoid of any personality whatsoever. Current Big Brother betting odds - 25/1

Nikki - We don't know Nikki very well, but we can safely say this - if we had to make a list of all the women in the world and put them in order of who we'd like to be our girlfriend, Nikki would be right at the bottom. Normally, her voice would be enough to put us off - it's a unique mix of patronising and flustered - but her bellowing, dehydrated, needy wig-out about dying unless she's given some bottled water has more or less ensured that Nikki won't become the winner of Big Brother. Or our girlfriend. Current Big Brother betting odds - 22/1

Dawn - For someone who hates humanity, Dawn is doing a good job of being a bit friendly. She's already taken the role of the Big Brother house exercise instructor and, er, that's about it. Current Big Brother betting odds - 18/1

Grace - All Grace has done on Big Brother so far is be the target of a whole heap of testosterone. Two of the male Big Brother housemates have already tried to crawl into her bed with varying degrees of success, paving the way for a possible Big Brother bunk-up. But wait, hasn't Grace ruled out any kind of bedroom shenanigans? Yes she has, which renders her kind of pointless, for now at least. Current Big Brother betting odds - 16/1

Tomorrow - more Big Brother betting odds! But until then, don't forget to check out the latest Big Brother betting odds, from any number of these brilliant betting websites. Good luck!

HecklerSpray

Yesterday we took our first look of the week at the Big Brother betting odds. And now it's time to finish looking at the chances that the Big Brother housemates having of winning the show.

The last few days in the Big Brother house have - despite Lea's claims that this will be the most positive-ever series of Big Brother - been a mess of screeching, bitching, crying and endless talking into bathroom mirrors about themselves. And that's just Shahbaz. If he manages to make it out of the Big Brother house alive, we'd be thoroughly surprised.

Yesterday we looked at the betting odds of the Big Brother outsiders, so now it's time to look at the favourites' Big Brother betting odds, with help from PaddyPower…

Lisa - Lisa, the shouting Chinese Manc, is another member of the Big Brotherhood. But she's the nice one, because she's split the contents of her suitcase with the rest of the Big Brother housemates. She's safe from eviction for now, but - Jesus - it'd be nice if she shut up for a bit. Current Big Brother betting odds - 14/1

George - Posh George hasn't done a single thing on Big Brother yet. Not a single thing. Does posh George have anything up his sleeves? Probably a swan, the big posh git. Current Big Brother betting odds - 12/1

Mikey - He's northern, he's good-looking(ish), he has a vocabulary of about six words… wait a minute - Mikey is Anthony from Big Brother 2005! And look what happened to him. Current Big Brother betting odds - 11/1

Sezer - We can't work Sezer out. He's gone to extreme ends to point out that Shahbaz has got a flawed gameplan by trying to be the centre of attention all the time, but then he gets naked at any opportunity and has tried to leap into bed with all the girls. We can see Sezer getting annoying quite quickly, to be honest. Current Big Brother betting odds - 10/1

Imogen - We're impressed. Not only is Imogen the prettiest Big Brother housemate, she also seems to be the least melodramatic. We're positive that all this will change, though, as Sezer's constant attempts to hump her leg will either result in a spot of Big Brother nookie or the first-ever Big Brother murder… Current Big Brother betting odds - 9/1

Richard - Richard is the least impressive sexual terrorist we've ever seen. He should be flinging handfuls of his bodily fluids at all the Big Brother housemates all the time, but instead he's giving fatherly talks to wayward housemates. Rubbish! But he's doing well at the Big Brother betting odds thing. Current Big Brother betting odds - 8/1

Anyone Else - Let's face it, the Big Brother housemates in the house at the moment are a total shower of ****. More housemates are bound to enter the house sooner or later, and they've got to be better than these wankers, haven't they? Current Big Brother betting odds - 7/2

Pete - Pete's got it all, a Gareth Gates-style disability to warm the hearts of the sensitive Big Brother viewers, a sensible, open-minded outlook that gives him a sense of being this year's Big Brother everyman, plus he shouts "WANKERS!" a lot. And that is flipping hilarious. Hooray for exploiting the mentally ill! The early favourite. Current Big Brother betting odds - 9/4

Hecklerspray

Amen to that!

Welll thats what we thought last time, and what did we get as replacements a bottle-bank, a gimp and a pretty vacant bint

My sister wants me to put a pound on Pete to win for her, but he's currently 6/4 with Ladbrokes!! Somehow I don't think a £1.50 plus stake return was what she had in mind!!

Tomorrow will see the first real Big Brother eviction take place. Forget Shahbaz - it's no fun when people voluntarily leave Big Brother, we want to see someone thrown out of the Big Brother house kicking and screaming.

The slightly pointless Big Brotherhood task has stumbled and gasped its stupid way to a crappy end, with the result being that three Big Brother housemates are up for eviction tomorrow night. And we wouldn't be able to forgive ourselves if we didn't give you the Big Brother betting odds for the eviction. Here's a clue who's up for eviction - one of them stinks and two of them are almost exclusively silent.

OK smartarse, so you looked at the headline and worked it out. Well done, you're very clever. Here are the first eviction Big Brother betting odds for Glyn, Bonnie and Dawn, with betting odds coming from PaddyPower.com…

Glyn - Without a shadow of a doubt, Glyn is one of the most pointless individuals we've ever laid eyes upon, let alone seen on Big Brother. Literally - literally - Glyn has done three things in the Big Brother house. 1) Glyn tried to pass himself of some kind of funky exhibitionist, only to choke bigstyle once he set foot inside the Big Brother house and saw people with real personalities. 2) Glyn cut his hair off in an awkward "look how crazy I am" moment. 3) Glyn told Shahbaz he doesn't like it when the gays touch him and stuff. However, because he's done sweet FA on Big Brother, nobody can be bothered to form an opinion on him, so he won't get any votes. Current Big Brother eviction betting odds - 5/1

Dawn - We're developing something of a soft spot for Dawn*. For a start, she is one of the few Big Brother housemates who seems to be able to construct a vaguely complicated sentence without looking confused or bursting into tears. Dawn also has a strong exercise regime - a disciplined body is a disciplined mind, remember - and has shown flashes of sensitivity. Best of all though, Dawn really smells, and it's driving Nikki mental. Since we dislike Nikki more than any Big Brother housemate, we want Dawn to stay in the Big Brother house. Current Big Brother eviction betting odds - 9/2

*not in a sexual way, of course. God, she stinks.

Bonnie - Every year on Big Brother, there's a Big Brother housemate - usually a girl - who comes from a small town and thinks they're cleverer/prettier/tougher than everyone else. Once they're confronted with self-obsessed big city wankers, though, they crumble in on themselves and become completely useless. Last Big Brother it was Lessluuergh and this Big Brother it's Bonnuuergh. Bonnie has spent the last few days on Big Brother becoming more depressed as it slowly dawns on her that none of the Big Brother housemates really like her. The sad truth is, none of the Big Brother viewers seem to, either. Current Big Brother eviction betting odds - 2/7

Hecklerspray
25-05-2006

Dawn Gone, Bonnie Out?

Wow, we knew the Big Brother housemates were annoying arseholes, but we didn't think that they were such annoying arseholes that we'd lose three of them within the first week.

Shahbaz already hotfooted it out of the Big Brother house after having what seemed to be a genuine nervous breakdown when Posh George and Twatty Sezer nicked his clothes, and now Dawn has walked from Big Brother, too. Depending on how many layers your tinfoil hat currently has, Dawn either got annoyed at not having any clothes and walked, or was ejected from the Big Brother house for contacting the outside world, or she was a spy/mole/journalist/alien and the Big Brother producers made up a lie to get rid of her and save face. Or, you know, something.

But there's still a Big Brother eviction to take place tonight, and so we've got the very latest Big Brother betting odds for tonight's eviction - for Bonnie and Glyn - with betting odds from PaddyPower.com…


Glyn - Picture this: you're the head boy at your tiny provincial school, a fact which inexplicably makes you think you'll be made into a national star by appearing on Big Brother. However, upon seeing the hateful, overcompensating bigmouths that you'll be sharing the Big Brother house with, you quickly retreat into yourself and make little or no mark on anything that happens in the house whatsoever. You get placed up for Big Brother eviction; which means you need to do something - anything - just to get yourself noticed enough to get viewers on your side. What do you do? You cut your hair. Silently. And nothing else. Your name is Glyn, and the haircut thing seems to have worked, bizarrely. Current Big Brother betting odds - 5/1

Bonnie - Given the choice of evicting Bonnie or Glyn from the Big Brother house, we'd like to see Glyn go. But that doesn't look likely, because Bonnie's Big Brother betting odds are so short you'd need to put down your life savings just go get a vaguely decent return. It's a shame, because Bonnie seems perpetually on the brink of some full-scale meltdown. Convinced, and rightly so, that none of the other Big Brother housemates like her, Bonnie has spent the last few days sobbing and angrily shouting "yer BASTARDS" at Big Brother. All this hatred just because she's got lousy diction and wears too much eye-liner. Current Big Brother betting odds - 1/10

That's it for this week - next week should see a new batch of replacement housemates join Big Brother, and we'll have some more Big Brother betting odds for you! But until then, don't forget to check out the latest Big Brother betting odds, from any number of these brilliant betting websites. Good luck!

hecklerspray
26-05-2006