BB FANS

oh whoops never thought of that. My bad

Yes, very bad!

Misbehave again and I'll make you read Middlemarch and write a 2,000 word essay.

And no, you can't get Ellie to write it for you.

will you beat me with a stick too or do I have to pay extra for that?

Oh thats ok, I will just give her the essay which I already cribbed from Cheatsareus.com. Where I get most of my essays.

And Alan I am making notes on why you should love Middlemarch, but will come back to you with my thesis when I'm done.

Oh no, free corporal punishment is part of the curriculum. In fact it's compulsory at Alan Lapin's Academy of Literaria.

Assume the position!

And you're getting it too (oo-er) Ellie! Cheatsareus indeed!

I look forward to the Middlemarch thesis, I so wanted to enjoy it, but found it such a huge bore.

It's the Glyn of books!!

Agh! I have to read that too!

aww bless him. he could have his first wet dream on live tv, be nice

Oh, there are a good many people walking around in a stupor after grinding through Middlemarch.

The quicker you write that thesis Ellie, the quicker you'll bring me to my senses.

Oh and welcome AliceInWonderland!

(not sure if I have already said that... bit like Middlemarch, endlessly repititive...)

Just thinking about books, I hated. Liar Birds by some irish novelist who's name I have chosen to forget was really rubbish.

Hmmph! Still waiting on this thesis as to why 'Muddlemuch' is good.

Late entries (oo-er!, isn't it early exits that are frowned upon? unless it's Shahbaz) carry a 10-mark penalty you know Ellie.

So will you give me six of the best for it being late then Alan?

I've got a houseful of scottish People staying with me at the minute, so your thesis will have to wait. I might get it done by the middle of March.

I can only give you one at a time you know. I'm not Supercat, or some super multi-phalli-ed SEXtet tabby from Mars (only spiders come from there).



Oh God, it's not the MacPhersons from Aberdeen is it?

They are always barging into people's houses uninvited. Grampian Police have been after them for years.

Turf them out before they can wallpaper your front room tartan, but watch out for the Grandma: that walking stick has a stiletto blade hidden at the end.

If I wasn't so nimble on my paws, my Tom Cat days would have come to a quick and painful end.

The tartan wallpaper is nice though.

Helps disguise the blood stains...

And even though this is the Book Forum, that's quite another story.

I've been in a house with tartan wallpaper and a strong smell of cat urine. Was it yours Alan?

Could have been...

Was there a cat litter tray in the corner lined with ripped-up pages from 'Muddlemuch'?

Oranges aren't the Only Fruit. I read about 5 pages. And then handed it back to the owner pretending I read it from cover to cover.