DeadBrain
26 Dec 2003 by Matt Knight
Yuletide generosity and good tidings flew across the parliamentary party divide this Christmas when Michael Howard took the unprecedented step of sending Tony Blair a Christmas stocking. What appeared, however, to be a goodwill gesture and a more than generous addition to the annual ceasing of hostilities turned out to be more fiendish than festive.
DeadBrain has received information relating to the contents of the stocking, and it appears that Mr Howard's much publicised "dark side" was very much on show. The unwrapping of presents got off to a bad start when Mr Blair discovered that the stocking was covered in cat hair – which he is allergic to – and consequently he spent Christmas Day sneezing and covered in a huge rash.
Things didn't get much better when the Prime Minister opened his first present, 250g of Bogotá Platinum – Columbia's strongest coffee bean. DeadBrain has since bought some and can confirm that it sends your heart rate through the roof and induces palpitations.
A wry smile turned to a look of pure contempt when he unwrapped a copy of "The Devil's Tune" – which was thrown straight on to a roaring log fire. It is also unlikely that the Blairs sat down to watch the supplied DVD of heart-stopping horror movie "The Ring" or that Tony got comfy on the sofa and lit the comedy exploding cigar.
The anti-wrinkle cream and the Just For Men hair treatment have, we are told, been passed to Cherie, who has passed them on to Carol Caplin, who has probably passed them on to Peter Foster.
