I think the benefit of hindsight is a marvellous thing. The amount of times I kicked myself mentally and emotionally because I didnt spot it sooner, or because I didnt recognise that his "three years old going on thirty five" mentality was not the norm. At the time, he was my only child, so I thought he was a bit quirky and fairly bright.
He is remarkably bright, he has an IQ in the 140s and has been able to read at the age of 17+ years since he was 5 years old. Hes loving and caring and gentle and all the sorts of qualities you want in your kids. He doesnt react with excitement in the same way as most kids, and to feel safe he needs to know whats happening from one five minutes to the next and he needs to know facts, he doesnt do fantasy or make believe.
One of my favourite examples of his need to know facts and not illusions, was when he was 6 years old and he asked me about sex. He had heard stuff in the playground and wanted to know what it meant. Knowing him as I did, I knew that he wouldnt be fobbed off with the birds and the bees or the stork or any of those shenanigans, so I kinda picked my way through a conversation about the basics of sex, not too much gory detail, but the whys and wherefores and the reasons behind it all.
He sat there for a while, absorbing what I told him, and then fixed me straight in the eye and said "Mum, the next time you and Dad have sex, can I watch?"
There was no perverted intent there, he just wanted to see what I was talking about because it wasnt making sense in his head. I explained that it was a private act between two adults that love each other and that usually people werent invited to watch and he was satisfied with that, and now has a relatively open attitude to the whole idea. He still finds it a bit "ew", but he will discuss it openly without fear, which is what I hoped to achieve. Which is nice.
I'll shut up now.
