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While we thank you for your valued custom and use of the
Tesco Loyalty Card, the Manager of our store in Banbury is
considering banning you and your family from shopping with
us, unless your husband stops his antics.
Below is a list of offences over the past few months all
verified by our surveillance cameras:
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them
in people's trolleys when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off
at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor
leading to feminine products aisle.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an
official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares..... and
watched what happened.
5.. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign
to a carpeted area.
6. September 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing
department and told shoppers he'd invite them in if they
would bring sausages and a Calor gas stove.
7. September 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if she could
help him, he began to cry and asked, 'Why can't you
people just leave me alone?'
8. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used
it as a mirror, picked his nose, and ate it.
9. November 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen
knives in the Housewares aisle asked an assistant if he knew
where the anti-depressants were.
10. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously,
loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.
11. December 6: In the kitchenware aisle, practised the
'Madonna look' using different size funnels.
12. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people
browsed, yelled 'PICK ME!' 'PICK ME!'
13. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud
speaker, assumed the foetal position and screamed 'NO!
NO! It's those voices again.'
And; last, but not least:
14. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door,
waited a while; then yelled, very loudly, 'There is no
toilet paper in here.'
Yours sincerely,
Charles Brown
Store Manager
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