Reality Bitesize: The TV catch-up IndependentStrictly Come Dancing
The story so far...A rag-tag collection of people (let's not say celebs) come together to practise their quickstep. It's heav-enly viewing, thanks to the "are they, aren't they" factor and it's enjoyable in the same way as watching newsreaders humiliate themselves for charity. The interesting thing about Strictly, as the fans know it, is that those taking part do actually have to make an effort – much more so than sitting around in the jungle, enduring a faceful of rat every now and then.
Felicity Kendal and Patsy Kensit provide the glamour, while Ann Widdecombe and Paul Daniels are equally odious. Daniels exited soon after the season's start, while Kara Tointon (no, I've never heard of her either) and rugby player Gavin Henson bring a touch of the Dorian Grays to the floor.
One of the nice touches about the programme is the dizzying awfulness of the live band, who have murdered just about every tune going, from Alicia Keys' "If I Ain't Got You" to "The Girl From Ipanema". The judges resemble stuffed voodoo dolls covered in make-up, their unruly limbs manhandled into cheap tuxedos and propped up by Bruce Forsyth's chin. "Overwhelmingly awful," was Craig Revel-Horwood's verdict on one of Widdecombe's performances and this quote stands for the programme in its entirety.
Heroes/villainsIt was OK to fall a bit in love with John Sergeant, who was Strictly's ageing underdog in 2008. But the 2010 contest has engendered a battle of wills on almost every liberal sofa in the land: is it ever OK to feel affection for Ann Widdecombe?
Here's one way of rationalising it. It's OK to feel sorry for her when her yellow pants are accidentally flashed to all and sundry by an exuberant leg lift. It's OK to worry about her falling over and being flung about like a sheep ready for shearing. It's OK to feel the whole venture is rather demeaning. It's not OK to start thinking of her as a national treasure. You wouldn't want to hug Stalin if he was wearing maribou trim, would you? Then buck up.
What happens next...Gavin Henson is injured in a freak fall while trying to dance and look in the mirror at the same time, and no one can catch him because all that baby oil on his chest has rendered him as slippery as a bar of soap in the shower. Ann Widdecombe is booked as a cuddly mascot for the royal wedding.